The holidays are about over -- I still have my family celebration -- and I learned, or was reminded of, an important lesson: the best gifts are not big and expensive but well thought out. I truly got good gifts this year. Julia heard my request for personalized stationery. Rod remembered how much I enjoy knitting things. But it was Ted and Deittra who have moved me to really do what I do best -- knitting. Next year will be a knitted gift year.

I just went through my knitting stash -- I have some really good stuff. While my color palette is limited I think I'll find some nice patterns for my friends and family.

I am sitting and watching A League of Their Own right now and realizing we have traveled too far from what was good about Christmas and now push too hard for expensive things we don't need. We need to get back to basics. If we have money to spend on silliness, we should just put it to good use and enjoy each other's company instead.

Yup, I am going to enjoy preparing for next Christmas. And I might even send cards next year too!

Good Lord it's been a rough couple of weeks.

As usual, I am in hot water because I have high expectations for my students and some people -- parents or students -- don't like challenge. So, they complain. And I get the heat.

But let's understand. I am doing my job as it's been dictated to me. Get the students college ready. Teach above the Nevada proficiency exam. So, I do that and have my ass in a sling. I don't understand. Students who arrive at a high school with little work discipline and even worse skills still need to do the work. If the high schools are being measured according to the results of the Nevada proficiency exams, then the teachers need to do more than just give busy work. Open notes quizzes are okay if students are required to apply the notes to material. However, if you are giving quizzes that are basic skills, for example, name the capital cities of the 50 states AND you allow students to use their notes, I wonder what learning is occurring. Further, is that getting kids college ready?

I had to make a "failure reduction plan" for the high number of students who have Ds or Fs in my class. The first order of business is for me to address why students are not succeeding. It's because they don't work. I have yet to hear of an education program where students improve their reading and writing skills while avoiding reading and writing.

Do I have flaws as an educator? You bet. I am the first to admit that I am not perfect. Still, the job of an administrator is to aid the teacher. I am new to this school and am still learning the ropes (it's different from the other schools in the district, for the record). I have requested help from the deans and my supervising administrator about one class in particular. For the most part, I've been left on my own. Further, when I was evaluated in September the only criticism I received was that I had very little on the walls. I made a change. Now there is student work on the walls.

Flash forward two months. I've been evaluated and found lacking in every area. Words that were said in my classroom were taken out of context and used against me. It's apparently not allowed to talk to students about how Thanksgiving break is just that and we all need one. Despite the fact that I have been doing lesson plans the same way all year, suddenly they are horrible and no wonder students are not passing my class.

So, I've made changes and asked the administration to look at the changes I've made to see if I'm on the right path. I've not seen or heard from them. At the same time, budget cuts are looming on the horizon here in Nevada. Teachers will lose their jobs in January according to the pessimists. I suspect I'm one of them. That's okay too. But what's not okay is not allowing me an opportunity to improve my status. I truly feel as though I'm walking on eggshells at this new school even though I show up, do my job and work.

Ugh. Get me back to NY.

Two words a teacher should not say to students: Shut up.

Two words that students understand the first time a teacher says it: Shut up.

I have a class that talks and talks. I say, "Please stop talking." Or, "Please be quiet." Or, "Stop." Or, "STOP TALKING!" But it continues. So, one day I say, "Oh just shut up and do your work." And, miracle of miracles, the class settles and gets to work.

Hmmm.

So, I had a chat with my class. I mentioned that I thought it was funny how despite my repeated attempts to get them to be quiet, the one phrase they universally reacted to was the bad one: shut up. I equated it to my years teaching 5th graders. To get their attention I would call out, "Ladies and gentlemen" to no avail. However, if I called, "Boys and girls" the attention was grabbed. True story.

What's this all about? Today I went to a parent teacher conference for a student who failed my class first quarter for doing no work and is failing this quarter for the same reason. This is not isolated to my class. I heard the other teachers before me say the same thing. So, when I presented the situation to the parents, the father asked if I yelled in class. I said, "Yes. I have a big voice. However, I've been using the voice enhancement device as there is a student in the class who is hard of hearing." Then the father said that someone had recordings of my class (these devices are not allowed in school, by the way -- at least not if I want to use them to cover my ass) with me yelling shut up (which I don't recall doing). So, I said that's a discussion for the administrator and I left.

Now I have to contact the union rep to determine if I need to protect my job. All for a kid who does no work and is failing. All because the parents have done nothing as parents and have decided to not hold the child accountable.

For the record, if there is something wrong in my class and a parent thinks their child is unsafe or being mentally harmed in some way, I strongly believe that the teacher should be contacted first. Oftentimes there is a miscommunication. But to undermine the teacher's job by bringing something else on the table, well, I just find that wrong.

It's true I sometimes teach kids I don't like. This particular child, however, does nothing for me. I don't like or dislike her. She's just one of the kids in the class who is there. She does not raise my ire and I've not directed any discipline in her direction. Furthermore, she is in a class that is, for the most part, a nice group of kids. To learn that they have been recording me makes me wonder about my ability to trust kids at all. Should I now be sure that I'm never in a class alone with a kid? Should I assume that regardless of my conduct, if a student wants to discredit me or ruin my reputation it's doable with the help of a recording device?

All last year I wished for a video recording of my classes on a daily basis. Teachers would have protection then and the crap could get off the table and real learning could occur.

When a teacher is running scared and cannot enforce discipline, we have a problem in education. Why is America falling behind? Because we ask teachers to disregard discipline for fear of getting in trouble.

I wish I could shake this feeling of inadequacy. I have been off kilter for a while now, and I suspect it's because I have moved from one school to another to another without finding my ground.

I finally spoke to my department head today because I don't feel like my work is sinking in with my students. Sure enough, my DC showed me what she does. Spoon feeding. In order to get her students to pay attention to what is going on in class, they have to write what other students comment on in class and submit that for a grade. Since she is so organized, students feel as though they are learning. Since I simply assume that my students are becoming more enriched through class discussion, I am the fool. The kids who want to talk, do; those who want to listen and participate, do. Now I have a tool to get them all on track.

It's especially unfortunate that I have this issue of insignificance since I had to do a teacher poll for the Fairfax schools. I am an honest person and I may have shot myself in the foot. "Are you an overachiever?" No -- I'm not. Doesn't that sound like I don't really give a hoot? It's not my intention. Jeez. It's hard to look for work. I would really like a job that I could have for a couple years so I can get a handle on things and know what's coming up. Every year I'm in a new school it's like I'm a new teacher. I am tired of being new and learning the ropes.

Well, I just have to plug along.

I like facebook for the fun and jokes that come up. Although sometimes feelings get hurt because of the lack of tone of voice being carried, it's still nice to keep up with friends and see what's new.

So, imagine my surprise this evening when I read bad news.

First, a woman from my community, and the aunt of two of my facebook friends, was found in her home this morning after she suffered a fall last night. She has been through surgery and now we hope the trauma to her brain does not leave long lasting damage (if any).

Then, more shocking, I learned that a friend from junior high suffered a terrible loss. Her son died -- and it sounds like he died with his best friend -- and she doesn't know how. She'll bury him with no real information about his death. I don't know how someone finds the strength to get through such a tragedy. I've seen my parents deal with it, but it's a loss that's always with you.

So, I am thinking of friends as they deal with the suffering that comes with the joys of life. May prayers keep them.

Is it the kids in Clark County who suck or do they all these days?

I was grading papers and the students, who just finished reading Of Mice and Men, had to read the poem "To a Mouse" by Robert Burns. After the poem were some questions for student consideration. One question basically asked to students to think of a time when their plans didn't work out and what they learned from it. One girl wrote: I was forced to read this book, it was boring but I realized I had to read

Do kids think it's okay to do that? How would it be if I responded, I was forced to deal with stupid ass wipes like yourself all day and I learned that this country's future is doomed so I'm putting my house on the market and moving to a country where kids aren't so dumb.

Golly. I did not get this back east. Then again, maybe the trouble with public schools is that they are too frightened of the legal system that they won't make a stand when kids behave badly. Parents better get on board. They suck so our future will too. Maybe this country needs to consider mass sterilization to protect ourselves from our ineptitude.

Thank goodness it's November.

That means two good things: First, I'm only here for another 8 months and then DONE. Second, it's no longer Halloween.

I do not like Halloween. Many ask why and I don't really have a good answer. I do know, however, that I get stressed having to come up with a costume. I can't generate the imagination enough to come up with something really good. I once went to a party at the neighbors' annual Halloween bash. One of the hosts wore a cage over his head with small toy rats inside the cage ala 1984. I thought it was a brilliant costume. The next year he wore a brown t-shirt with a target on it. On his head was a deer antler head band. What was his costume? The Far Side comic where the deer had a target on his chest and his friend says, "unfortunate birthmark". ANyway, I think it's why I don't like Halloween. It makes me feel uncreative in a way that I would like to be but can't pull off.

Living here in Vegas is worse. There are haunted houses all over town. Everyone goes and there are parties galore. Nevada day is around Halloween so kids get the idea that Halloween is a holiday. Let's face it, the people here are always in costume. Just two months away from here made me forget (or was that just my inner being soothing itself after the onslaught of tacky get-ups?) how gruesome the people are. Old, old women wearing make-up that would be too heavy to carry. Then the super bleach blonde hair. How about the look with hair dye. Blond on top with a dark brown or black underlayer. And all the tattoos. While I admire the art work that goes into a tattoo, I don't find an overly tattooed person to be attractive. No one here carries her own, genuine hair color. Nor do they wear their own nails. Eeek! Step into a nail salon and it's busy with women getting nail tips. Who the heck really wants all that fakery?

My close proximity to all this horror only makes me dislike Halloween more.

Happy November.