Being far from home has its obvious problems, but the biggest one is not being able to be with friends when they need it most.

As I approach 50 I guess my friends will begin to lose their parents.  It's sad.  We move through life thinking we've got it under control, then a death occurs and suddenly it throws you back some years.  At least that's how it feels now.  My dear friend Gretchen lost her father today.  It was sudden.  In some respects, that's easier to swallow.  He died in peace and pain free.  But the family is left with what's behind.  When you consider that the family dynamics are not the greatest, the stress of grief can tug at the seams of the family structure.

Gretchen, seemingly the weak link -- unmarried with two children and struggling to make ends meet in Manhattan, has stepped forward and shown her leadership skills.  She has clarity of purpose that would make her father proud.

We show who we are, not on a daily basis, but when the chips are down and it's either sink or swim.  I am saddened that my friend has lost a father.  But in so doing, she seems to have found her voice.  So, my prayers to the Schell family.

I did something today that I rarely do -- took a nap. I came home from work and wanted to get some stuff done but felt beat. Frankly, I have been feeling very tired every day when I come home from work. Since I have nothing else going on here, I slept. For about an hour and a half. Gosh, that felt good. Even better? I feel tired now and it's only about 9PM.

Sleep is a difficult thing to get. We all feel as though we need more, but where can we find it? The older I get the more my sleep patterns tend to stay in holding. So, even if I go to bed late, I still arise early. Bottom line, I don't necessarily catch up on missed sleep. It's for that reason that I'm glad I napped. (Earlier this week I went to bed at 8:30 PM)

When I go home for the Ben Harper concert on Oct. 1st I will arrive at 12:30 am (9:30 PST). Poor Rod will be out getting me and he won't be able to catch up on his sleep. Now he is a guy who really has definite sleep patterns. Even when we were driving across the country, in different time zone, and no schedule to speak of, Rod got up early every day.

I hope I find a "clock" soon. Perhaps, because I am so unsettled and feel bored in my apartment I am feeling tired more easily. I know that the job itself, while difficult to get back into the groove, is not too bad. The students do what I tell them to do and for the most part are respectful. This is a much better experience than the one I had last year. Still, I feel stress because I am moving soon and am still waiting for my car to arrive from NY -- actually, I am still waiting for it to ship from NY.

Word has it that the neighborhood where I'm moving is wonderful. The leasing agent told me all about the Y nearby, but I didn't really give it much thought. Until today when the librarian at my school was raving about it and the library that's near my new apartment. So, I guess things will feel much better when I leave this place that constantly reminds me of the horror-that-was-last-year.

And, of course, I hope I will feel a little more awake.

Happy Labor Day weekend.

I hate being a technology dunce. There is so much I want to do for my students, but I am stuck with my limited knowledge of how to build something as supposedly simple as a powerpoint. What's worse is that even though I printed instructions, they were absolutely no help at all. I really learn best by watching, doing and taking very meticulous notes.

Sure, I suppose some would think I should just find another means of getting the information across, but the truth of the matter is that I feel hampered by my own inability to get a good job done. I am grateful that where I work there will be classes offered -- for free if I don't need or want the credit -- on powerpoint, excel and word. I desperately need this help. It's just around the corner. But, I have a lesson I am dying to teach.

I don't know why I'm this slow. I want to be able to do these things, but I have never really learned. To make matters worse, I lived in a household with a kid who definitely knew how to do these things. Why didn't I ever tap into that source? Oh well, live and learn.

I suppose this is the week I need to make a decision regarding whether or not I return to Las Vegas. As a result, I can feel myself getting more depressed. To an outsider, the decision would be easy: you're depressed, stay home. But, I have a husband who makes not a lot of money. If I were to stay here, we would have enough to pay the bills that are attached to this house, but not enough to pay the added costs that I amassed as a result of my move last year.

I wait to hear from the two jobs I interviewed for last week. There is no guarantee that I got anything and that's the reason I am making arrangements -- though tentative -- to return west. This sucks. And, although the city has lifted its hiring freeze, I have not had positive feelings from the interviews I've had in the city. The bottom line is I can't count those eggs. Last week was the first time I was interviewed by a NYC principal who actually looked me in the eye. Really, things are not rosy here.

So my stomach continues to have butterflies.

It's that time of year when school supplies are flooding the shelves and we need to stock up.

It's also the time of year when I question whether or not I need to purchase everything on the list. To begin, Tyler needs a binder for each of five classes. Five binders??? That is quite a bit to fit into a backpack for homework, isn't it?

I honestly don't know what to do this year. My child lacks the organization needed to juggle and correctly bring home five binders. I feel like this may be a recipe for disaster. On the other hand, am I causing problems for him by NOT getting the necessary materials?

I guess my biggest beef is that when I do purchase the list of supplies, at the end of the year Tyler comes home with unused notebooks and such. Why?

We'll see what happens.

When it rains, it pours.

Yesterday I felt as though there was no way I was going to get a job. Today, I have one albeit in Las Vegas. Further, I have an interview in Monticello, NY on August 9 and am attending a job fair on August 2 for the Bronx. Good news. The Bronx has been given the go-ahead to hire outside the DOE for English positions. Please, please, please let me get a job close to home and in the same time zone.

I am becoming increasingly irritated and bothered by the economic situation in this country. I am tired of hearing about the debt ceiling and the republicans and the democrats. Why can't the two parties just make a list of things they can agree on and work from that? Is it really so difficult? I am not alone here either. The American people are being taken hostage by a group of politicians who don't realize that they are supposed to represent the people, not the lobbyists who pay for their campaigns. (And, as an aside, why is it legal for the republicans to sign a contract saying they won't raise taxes? Don't we need taxes to pay for things like war?)

this same failure to accept ownership of the economic downturn seems to be causing problems in the educational system. We have too many teachers who simply will not do more than they have to do. Some teacher contracts state that they do not need to attend extra-curricular events without pay flies in the face of research. We are supposed to teach the whole child not just the one sitting in the classroom. If teachers are doing nothing over the summer, then they are probably in the wrong field. Reading, traveling and such are pieces of the job. Broadening horizons is what makes us better people and teachers. Many do not bring that extra something into the class room. It's time they did. And those who do not should be looking for employment elsewhere.

Teaching interviews are a joke. Oftentimes I am asked about what technology I would use. The simple truth is this: we are hindered by the limits the school has. If the school has little in the way of access, then it doesn't matter what technology I would use. And, it stands to reason that if the school is tech savvy, so too will the teachers who work there. Knowledge of programs or technology does not make good teachers. Keeping the eyes on the content and doing what is necessary to enable children to learn that content is what is most important. Being asked what I know about differentiating instruction is a laugh: teachers generally don't do it. So, why bother asking what I know if you don't embrace it and demand it from every teacher on staff? There are a lot of new teachers out there willing to apply all this knowledge to the classroom but no spots are available to them because teachers too lazy to create new lessons are using up space.

America needs to get back to what made it great in the first place. We need to work harder and expect superior output. If we continue to allow the status quo to be the yard stick by which all is measured, then we will continue in this downward spiral.

So it continues to rain.

I am applying to jobs like crazy and keep running into the same costly request: the official transcript.

Now, I have no problem providing such information for jobs, but I have an issue with the cost involved. Furthermore, since I am licensed to teach in the states where I am seeking employment, I have already provided the official transcript to the state itself. Transcripts cost about 5 bucks each. I need an official transcript from each school I attended (four in my case). So, to apply for a job it's costing 20 bucks per application. Oftentimes, I hear nothing once I provide said info. Where is there a benefit to me?

I think perhaps it's time to write to Congress (because they have nothing else to do but bicker with each other), and give a piece of my mind. I have applied to some districts more than one time. Each time they request an official transcript. WHAT DID THEY DO WITH THE FIRST SET I PROVIDED? See, it's not cost effective. I think it should be perfectly okay to provide copies of the transcript. If you get far enough along, provide the official.

And, on that note, I have an issue with the letter of recommendation. If you want to know, pick up the phone and ask. One place I provided the letters to asked me to send more because the dates weren't current enough. Really, what am I to do if I haven't gotten a job? Furthermore, should I have to carry around a current letter all the time if I provide an email address and phone number for the contact? More importantly, I have NOT gotten a job based on the quality of the recommendation I received so why all the fuss?? Teaching is a job that requires the applicant to provide fingerprints to determine their innocence. (again, at cost to the applicant)

I have two degrees and still rely on the first degree to make or break me. I do know some people who have done very well throughout school. I was not one of those people. However, I am still being judged by that. I have a virtual 4.0 in grad school but that amounts to nothing because I need the official transcript from every school I took classes from meaning they see the dunce I was in undergraduate school and decide I don't know anything.

Ugh. I hate looking for jobs. It's so demeaning when none materializes.