The holidays are about over -- I still have my family celebration -- and I learned, or was reminded of, an important lesson: the best gifts are not big and expensive but well thought out. I truly got good gifts this year. Julia heard my request for personalized stationery. Rod remembered how much I enjoy knitting things. But it was Ted and Deittra who have moved me to really do what I do best -- knitting. Next year will be a knitted gift year.

I just went through my knitting stash -- I have some really good stuff. While my color palette is limited I think I'll find some nice patterns for my friends and family.

I am sitting and watching A League of Their Own right now and realizing we have traveled too far from what was good about Christmas and now push too hard for expensive things we don't need. We need to get back to basics. If we have money to spend on silliness, we should just put it to good use and enjoy each other's company instead.

Yup, I am going to enjoy preparing for next Christmas. And I might even send cards next year too!

Good Lord it's been a rough couple of weeks.

As usual, I am in hot water because I have high expectations for my students and some people -- parents or students -- don't like challenge. So, they complain. And I get the heat.

But let's understand. I am doing my job as it's been dictated to me. Get the students college ready. Teach above the Nevada proficiency exam. So, I do that and have my ass in a sling. I don't understand. Students who arrive at a high school with little work discipline and even worse skills still need to do the work. If the high schools are being measured according to the results of the Nevada proficiency exams, then the teachers need to do more than just give busy work. Open notes quizzes are okay if students are required to apply the notes to material. However, if you are giving quizzes that are basic skills, for example, name the capital cities of the 50 states AND you allow students to use their notes, I wonder what learning is occurring. Further, is that getting kids college ready?

I had to make a "failure reduction plan" for the high number of students who have Ds or Fs in my class. The first order of business is for me to address why students are not succeeding. It's because they don't work. I have yet to hear of an education program where students improve their reading and writing skills while avoiding reading and writing.

Do I have flaws as an educator? You bet. I am the first to admit that I am not perfect. Still, the job of an administrator is to aid the teacher. I am new to this school and am still learning the ropes (it's different from the other schools in the district, for the record). I have requested help from the deans and my supervising administrator about one class in particular. For the most part, I've been left on my own. Further, when I was evaluated in September the only criticism I received was that I had very little on the walls. I made a change. Now there is student work on the walls.

Flash forward two months. I've been evaluated and found lacking in every area. Words that were said in my classroom were taken out of context and used against me. It's apparently not allowed to talk to students about how Thanksgiving break is just that and we all need one. Despite the fact that I have been doing lesson plans the same way all year, suddenly they are horrible and no wonder students are not passing my class.

So, I've made changes and asked the administration to look at the changes I've made to see if I'm on the right path. I've not seen or heard from them. At the same time, budget cuts are looming on the horizon here in Nevada. Teachers will lose their jobs in January according to the pessimists. I suspect I'm one of them. That's okay too. But what's not okay is not allowing me an opportunity to improve my status. I truly feel as though I'm walking on eggshells at this new school even though I show up, do my job and work.

Ugh. Get me back to NY.

Two words a teacher should not say to students: Shut up.

Two words that students understand the first time a teacher says it: Shut up.

I have a class that talks and talks. I say, "Please stop talking." Or, "Please be quiet." Or, "Stop." Or, "STOP TALKING!" But it continues. So, one day I say, "Oh just shut up and do your work." And, miracle of miracles, the class settles and gets to work.

Hmmm.

So, I had a chat with my class. I mentioned that I thought it was funny how despite my repeated attempts to get them to be quiet, the one phrase they universally reacted to was the bad one: shut up. I equated it to my years teaching 5th graders. To get their attention I would call out, "Ladies and gentlemen" to no avail. However, if I called, "Boys and girls" the attention was grabbed. True story.

What's this all about? Today I went to a parent teacher conference for a student who failed my class first quarter for doing no work and is failing this quarter for the same reason. This is not isolated to my class. I heard the other teachers before me say the same thing. So, when I presented the situation to the parents, the father asked if I yelled in class. I said, "Yes. I have a big voice. However, I've been using the voice enhancement device as there is a student in the class who is hard of hearing." Then the father said that someone had recordings of my class (these devices are not allowed in school, by the way -- at least not if I want to use them to cover my ass) with me yelling shut up (which I don't recall doing). So, I said that's a discussion for the administrator and I left.

Now I have to contact the union rep to determine if I need to protect my job. All for a kid who does no work and is failing. All because the parents have done nothing as parents and have decided to not hold the child accountable.

For the record, if there is something wrong in my class and a parent thinks their child is unsafe or being mentally harmed in some way, I strongly believe that the teacher should be contacted first. Oftentimes there is a miscommunication. But to undermine the teacher's job by bringing something else on the table, well, I just find that wrong.

It's true I sometimes teach kids I don't like. This particular child, however, does nothing for me. I don't like or dislike her. She's just one of the kids in the class who is there. She does not raise my ire and I've not directed any discipline in her direction. Furthermore, she is in a class that is, for the most part, a nice group of kids. To learn that they have been recording me makes me wonder about my ability to trust kids at all. Should I now be sure that I'm never in a class alone with a kid? Should I assume that regardless of my conduct, if a student wants to discredit me or ruin my reputation it's doable with the help of a recording device?

All last year I wished for a video recording of my classes on a daily basis. Teachers would have protection then and the crap could get off the table and real learning could occur.

When a teacher is running scared and cannot enforce discipline, we have a problem in education. Why is America falling behind? Because we ask teachers to disregard discipline for fear of getting in trouble.

I wish I could shake this feeling of inadequacy. I have been off kilter for a while now, and I suspect it's because I have moved from one school to another to another without finding my ground.

I finally spoke to my department head today because I don't feel like my work is sinking in with my students. Sure enough, my DC showed me what she does. Spoon feeding. In order to get her students to pay attention to what is going on in class, they have to write what other students comment on in class and submit that for a grade. Since she is so organized, students feel as though they are learning. Since I simply assume that my students are becoming more enriched through class discussion, I am the fool. The kids who want to talk, do; those who want to listen and participate, do. Now I have a tool to get them all on track.

It's especially unfortunate that I have this issue of insignificance since I had to do a teacher poll for the Fairfax schools. I am an honest person and I may have shot myself in the foot. "Are you an overachiever?" No -- I'm not. Doesn't that sound like I don't really give a hoot? It's not my intention. Jeez. It's hard to look for work. I would really like a job that I could have for a couple years so I can get a handle on things and know what's coming up. Every year I'm in a new school it's like I'm a new teacher. I am tired of being new and learning the ropes.

Well, I just have to plug along.

I like facebook for the fun and jokes that come up. Although sometimes feelings get hurt because of the lack of tone of voice being carried, it's still nice to keep up with friends and see what's new.

So, imagine my surprise this evening when I read bad news.

First, a woman from my community, and the aunt of two of my facebook friends, was found in her home this morning after she suffered a fall last night. She has been through surgery and now we hope the trauma to her brain does not leave long lasting damage (if any).

Then, more shocking, I learned that a friend from junior high suffered a terrible loss. Her son died -- and it sounds like he died with his best friend -- and she doesn't know how. She'll bury him with no real information about his death. I don't know how someone finds the strength to get through such a tragedy. I've seen my parents deal with it, but it's a loss that's always with you.

So, I am thinking of friends as they deal with the suffering that comes with the joys of life. May prayers keep them.

Is it the kids in Clark County who suck or do they all these days?

I was grading papers and the students, who just finished reading Of Mice and Men, had to read the poem "To a Mouse" by Robert Burns. After the poem were some questions for student consideration. One question basically asked to students to think of a time when their plans didn't work out and what they learned from it. One girl wrote: I was forced to read this book, it was boring but I realized I had to read

Do kids think it's okay to do that? How would it be if I responded, I was forced to deal with stupid ass wipes like yourself all day and I learned that this country's future is doomed so I'm putting my house on the market and moving to a country where kids aren't so dumb.

Golly. I did not get this back east. Then again, maybe the trouble with public schools is that they are too frightened of the legal system that they won't make a stand when kids behave badly. Parents better get on board. They suck so our future will too. Maybe this country needs to consider mass sterilization to protect ourselves from our ineptitude.

Thank goodness it's November.

That means two good things: First, I'm only here for another 8 months and then DONE. Second, it's no longer Halloween.

I do not like Halloween. Many ask why and I don't really have a good answer. I do know, however, that I get stressed having to come up with a costume. I can't generate the imagination enough to come up with something really good. I once went to a party at the neighbors' annual Halloween bash. One of the hosts wore a cage over his head with small toy rats inside the cage ala 1984. I thought it was a brilliant costume. The next year he wore a brown t-shirt with a target on it. On his head was a deer antler head band. What was his costume? The Far Side comic where the deer had a target on his chest and his friend says, "unfortunate birthmark". ANyway, I think it's why I don't like Halloween. It makes me feel uncreative in a way that I would like to be but can't pull off.

Living here in Vegas is worse. There are haunted houses all over town. Everyone goes and there are parties galore. Nevada day is around Halloween so kids get the idea that Halloween is a holiday. Let's face it, the people here are always in costume. Just two months away from here made me forget (or was that just my inner being soothing itself after the onslaught of tacky get-ups?) how gruesome the people are. Old, old women wearing make-up that would be too heavy to carry. Then the super bleach blonde hair. How about the look with hair dye. Blond on top with a dark brown or black underlayer. And all the tattoos. While I admire the art work that goes into a tattoo, I don't find an overly tattooed person to be attractive. No one here carries her own, genuine hair color. Nor do they wear their own nails. Eeek! Step into a nail salon and it's busy with women getting nail tips. Who the heck really wants all that fakery?

My close proximity to all this horror only makes me dislike Halloween more.

Happy November.

I feel for my daughter who is so frustrated with the job market. She applies for jobs and no one gets back to her in a timely manner. What's worse, she is a better worker than most and takes responsibility. This evening she told me that her best qualities were that she is responsible and can do the job. Neither quality is valued in the current job market. What is up with that????

I wish character was a quality people looked at. Why do we focus so much attention on the experiences of potential candidates? It's a money thing. Those with money can have a greater number of experiences thus they look more attractive to potential employers. If only I could do something to make things easier for my girl. She has worked so hard to do well and should get something for her efforts. Does this world really have to be about who you know instead of what you know?

As I age I find I am more sensitive to scents. Many of the students in my classes use the flowery scented lotions hawked by stores such as Bath and Body Works. I don't mind them so much but they are too heavy. Years ago I used to wear a fragrance that I liked (still sort of do when I smell it) but it was very heavy. So heavy in fact that I had to stop wearing it. Now, I want a new fragrance and it's not easy to find one.

I went to the store of stores for perfume -- Neiman Marcus. They have any top line fragrance on the market. I sniffed and tried and walked around and ultimately left with nothing.

Why? It all costs a lot of money and I'm not convinced I like the fragrance enough to invest. Perhaps the perfume companies should sell very small quantities for a smaller cost to entice wearers. As I was at the fragrance counter other women were making the same comment: "Do you have a sample? I don't want to spend the money to find that I don't really like it."

Maybe these companies should sell a 5 dollar spray to sample. That way the prospective buyer could see if she likes how it smells on her with her particular body chemistry. If it works, then she would feel more comfortable spending the big bucks on a new fragrance.

A three day weekend. Ah joy.

I only wish I had plans. There is not much going on here -- the weather has turned (and I got the best sleep since I've been here as a result) and the pool is out of the question. But I don't have a real urge to do anything other than go home.

Well, at least I had a really good laugh at work today. It was a professional development day so no students were present. That gave me time to hang out with the people in the English dept. including my friend Drew. Gosh he made me laugh.

Gay men are quite entertaining as friends. They like all the things I like (well, I am generalizing and I don't mean to -- I obviously don't know all gay men) and can be just as catty as I. However, there is no competition of any kind the way there sometimes is between women. Perhaps I'll give my friend a call this weekend and see what trouble we can hunt up.

Just to have sleep will be wonderful!!

How can I get my underachieving kid to do something? It's infuriating. And when I called tonight to ask where he is having success in school he told me everywhere. Really? Someone needs a reality check.

And on the other side of the coin is my job as teacher. So many of my students do not do work and are receiving a grade of F for the first marking period. I've communicated with the parents; the students know what is required of them and still they do nothing. With the parent frustration I'm hearing, I wouldn't be too surprised to be one or two less kids in a couple weeks when the report cards come out.

Ugh.

I have a three day weekend ahead with no plans. I have a bitch of a week following because I have no prep period on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday. I have to proctor the proficiency exams to 11th graders. What burns me up is that I don't even teach 11th graders. AND, I have to have sub coverage for two of my own classes because I'm scheduled to proctor exams. Really, Nevada stupidity is hard to understand. Reason 8,000 why I would never move my underachieving son out here. I can only imagine how much lower he would sink out here in the land of no brains.

I am so tired tonight. Let's hope I can get some sleep without the neighbors having a knock-down, drag-out fight -- should I call the cops or no -- though I do find the argument to be interesting in its absence of merit.

Really, though, I was beat today as a result of the neighbors waking me up at 2am and then trying, after hearing them fight for an hour, to get back to sleep. I did get back to sleep but that just made the alarm clock all the more dreadful. After dealing with freshman who are rude and obnoxious all day, the last thing I felt like doing was going to the gym. But I had to. I had an appointment with a personal trainer to help me get it together.

So, I went to the gym, got my plan, and ran the track. And I felt regenerated. I was actually able to go home and grade papers without having any caffeine to keep me afloat (and too bad the essays I graded did not help my spirit). Obviously we'll see how I feel tomorrow. Still, it was good to burn some calories.

Let's hope I get back to the gym soon.

I'm off to bed.

Working in a punitive place is really wearing me down.

Two weeks ago I caught shit because I did not submit my ineligibility list on time. The following week I got an email from the woman in charge of the ineligibility lists that had the following message:

DUE FRIDAY AT NOON

DUE FRIDAY AT NOON

DUE FRIDAY AT NOON

Okay, I get the message. But, like, can't you been understanding of a teacher who makes one mistake. I would get it if I had been habitually late. I was late ONCE.

I don't really understand how the system works when students are withdrawn from the school. No one actually contacts me, but apparently I've been screwing that up too because I get emails from my supervising administrator telling me to do the paperwork for the withdrawn students. While I realize I have to do my job, I don't understand why the woman in charge of the withdraw paperwork can't contact me herself -- why rat me out to my boss? Further, if someone who is new to the school keeps having trouble doing what you want done when you want it done, why not ask if there's anything they don't understand??

I feel put upon. A couple weeks ago I had to give up my free period for testing. I have to do it again in a couple weeks only instead of giving up one period, I'll be giving up 3. Funny how I don't see the other teachers being put upon. Actually, there's a word for this: HAZING. I don't like it.

Maybe there's a job in NYC I can scoop up while I'm home for Christmas. Because, really, I'm not sure I'm going to get through this year.

I feel so cranky when I come home from work. It's really not a good place to be especially when I deal with children. why is it that some kids just feel the need to get under my skin? Ugh.

Anyway, I have begun thinking about the annual Christmas card. Usually by this time I have a picture of the kids at the ready. Not so this year. I am putting together a collage card -- the best of the best and all of us will be represented.

Case in point: Julia's picture. Pure happiness. Shouldn't everyone see that joy?

I could sure use some today.

Education in America is in the crapper. We allow kids to get away with murder and we remove any power a classroom teacher may have. To make matters worse, we allow lazy, under inspired teachers to be in a classroom.

Reform?

Teach for America seems like a scam to me because it doesn't recognize that there are some experienced teachers out there who can do the job and do it well. Everything I learned in school and in the classroom indicates that the best teachers are those who are intelligent in their jobs, experienced and well-supported. Throwing unexperienced 21 year olds in a class of kids who could care less because they have been treated poorly and have not been given a fair shake doesn't seem to be the fix either.

Now we could go after teacher's unions. They are responsible for the teacher attitude of "I don't have to do that" as in, "I don't have to go to my student's concert because it's not in my job description." Really? Shouldn't teachers be interested in the growth of their students. I know I appreciate seeing another side to my students. More importantly, they enjoy knowing that I've seen their talent outside the classroom. This was true even in private school where it was mandatory to attend concerts and such. However, teacher's unions don't make bad teachers; they make mediocre teachers lazy and then bad. Good teachers are good teachers regardless of the system they're in.

Lack of funding seems like the biggest flaw in reform. Throwing more money at schools will not make them better. Paying lazy teacher more money will not make them less lazy. Giving students who need glasses and a some real food a new computer won't make them math geniuses. Professional development is a joke and many teachers only attend because they have to. Very rarely do I see teachers return from any conference charged like I returned from the NCTE conference four years ago. Schools don't want to send teachers to the conferences that are meaningful either. When I interviewed this summer, one administrator gave me grief because I asked if the school would allow me to go to a conference on what's new in young adult literature. God forbid I want to know about what might work for students!!!

The lack of discipline is killing education. Kids are not responsible for their work. Parents attack teachers when their child fails because they automatically assume their child actually did the work. Schools force teachers to accept late work. Students don't have to give up precious lunch time to use the restroom; they can just leave the classroom. Seriously, when did you ever sit in a class and have to go so badly that you pitched a fit? For me, never. And, I never used the time-of-the-month excuse either -- ever.

I have a co-worker who is considering leaving teaching because he's tired of the crap. I am getting that way too.

Deadlines are killing me.

But what really bothers me is that the deadlines I thought I was meeting are moving closer to me. When I started at the school I knew I had to do about 9 online courses. You know, Identifying Harassment; Bloodborne Pathogens; Creating the Safe Work Environment. These courses are -- well, actually, were initially due on Oct. 21. then I got an email from my immediate supervisor a couple weeks back. She said the courses were due on the 19th. Today? This afternoon I received an email from my supervisor saying I had to be done by tomorrow -- the 18th. Seriously, that's just ridiculous. I did the work, but I'm still annoyed.

Another looming deadline -- grades.

Everyone here crows about the merits of Nevada Day. Yay! I get a three day weekend. But wait, I have to do the end of the quarter grades. Again, seriously???? I'd rather have had Columbus day off and no Nevada day off. A day off to do work just seems not like a day off. I should have made arrangements to go home for a long weekend instead of this silliness.

I am really disliking my job this year. Is it me or the system?

Did you ever see people line up at the baggage carousel at the airport? What a bunch of impatient pests! REally, if I am waiting for my luggage, get out of my way when I walk forward to grab it. Is there any reason for people to be in the way? NO!!!

Let's give each other space.

Another rough night with the loud neighbors.

At 2:30 I got up to call the service my apartment uses for such incidents. The problem, however, is that the service does not work for this property alone. In fact, the guy was in Henderson, NV -- an easy 40 minutes from here. Since my neighbor uses his patio as a smoking lounge, he and his friends are not there all the time. They just go out, have a smoke, and head back inside. It's really important that I get sleep. Getting woken up more than once in an evening is very annoying. Getting woken up several times since I've lived here by the same neighbors is inexcusable.

Is there anything I can do?

For starters, I am going to write a letter to the management of this property and let them know the service they've used to cover their asses doesn't work. (Incidentally, when I called to make the complaint, the guy said he'd already been at the property earlier in the evening.) I will simply continue to be the squeaky wheel here and hope the neighbors move soon. Aside from that, is there anything else I can do?

I also have an issue with bugs in this apartment. I'm currently vexed by tiny hopping bugs similar to no-see-ums we have in NY. They are all over the place in my office. I guess they like paper. I don't like them. Another complaint.

I wish we had assigned parking here. It seems that the row of covered parking where I park my car is the most popular row in the entire complex. Seriously? So, if I go out at night, there's no place to park near my apartment. Ugh.

And I still have nine months to live here in the dreadful desert.

Pet peeve week from the menopause mama.

Today's gripe:  grocery baggers.  Really, does it take a college degree to realize you don't put cans of tomatoes on top of the tomatoes themselves?

When I was a kid, baggers NEVER put cleaning products in the same bag as any food product.  Now, they just throw the stuff in the bag.

Is the problem that these young baggers don't actually put groceries away at home thereby being oblivious to the havoc they create?  Do they not spend any of their money on groceries to know that ruined stuff sucks?

Back in the day, real people worked in the grocery stores.  They were there day after day, year after year.  They build their careers there; paid rent and took care of their families.  Mrs. Lau and Mrs. Sabel worked at the local Grand Union -- they were it.  They knew their job and they did it well.  Now it's young people who don't know an artichoke from an avocado who work in these stores until a better, more prestigious job comes along.

We need to take pride in the work we do and stop just showing up for a paycheck.

America is over-coddling its children and will pay eventually.  I cannot believe how many parents contact me because they want me to give their children a retest.  Don't get me wrong, after 7 years of teaching Latin, I recognize the value of giving kids a second chance.  But I don't believe that students should take a retest on material that is straight forward.  I gave a matching quiz a couple weeks ago.  My students admitted that they did not study.  Their scores show it, too.  Still, they are looking for a second chance.

I think this business of giving so many chances is hurting a student's work ethic too.  I have students who are failing my class.  They do no work and beg for mercy.  On the rare chance that I give mercy, they turn around and screw up again by not doing the next assignment.  In Clark County, the middle schools are instructed to give students retakes.  Further, they are allowed to submit late work all quarter.  What are we teaching kids with this?  I receive these students in high school and they are far from prepared to face the challenges of the class because they didn't really master the correct behavior.

Often I hear that students have an A in every other class.  So.  In my class, where work actually means something, poor behavior and failure to do work equal poor grades.  I write kids up to be ineligible for their sport.  No extra credit.  If they didn't bother with the assignment in the first place, why should I have to design yet another assignment to help these lazy beasts?

Teaching is getting more tiring every year.  I suspect this culture of hovering parents is playing a role.  I wonder if these same parents are the reason the US is not doing well in comparison to other countries educationally speaking.

Just a thought.

Being far from home has its obvious problems, but the biggest one is not being able to be with friends when they need it most.

As I approach 50 I guess my friends will begin to lose their parents.  It's sad.  We move through life thinking we've got it under control, then a death occurs and suddenly it throws you back some years.  At least that's how it feels now.  My dear friend Gretchen lost her father today.  It was sudden.  In some respects, that's easier to swallow.  He died in peace and pain free.  But the family is left with what's behind.  When you consider that the family dynamics are not the greatest, the stress of grief can tug at the seams of the family structure.

Gretchen, seemingly the weak link -- unmarried with two children and struggling to make ends meet in Manhattan, has stepped forward and shown her leadership skills.  She has clarity of purpose that would make her father proud.

We show who we are, not on a daily basis, but when the chips are down and it's either sink or swim.  I am saddened that my friend has lost a father.  But in so doing, she seems to have found her voice.  So, my prayers to the Schell family.

I did something today that I rarely do -- took a nap. I came home from work and wanted to get some stuff done but felt beat. Frankly, I have been feeling very tired every day when I come home from work. Since I have nothing else going on here, I slept. For about an hour and a half. Gosh, that felt good. Even better? I feel tired now and it's only about 9PM.

Sleep is a difficult thing to get. We all feel as though we need more, but where can we find it? The older I get the more my sleep patterns tend to stay in holding. So, even if I go to bed late, I still arise early. Bottom line, I don't necessarily catch up on missed sleep. It's for that reason that I'm glad I napped. (Earlier this week I went to bed at 8:30 PM)

When I go home for the Ben Harper concert on Oct. 1st I will arrive at 12:30 am (9:30 PST). Poor Rod will be out getting me and he won't be able to catch up on his sleep. Now he is a guy who really has definite sleep patterns. Even when we were driving across the country, in different time zone, and no schedule to speak of, Rod got up early every day.

I hope I find a "clock" soon. Perhaps, because I am so unsettled and feel bored in my apartment I am feeling tired more easily. I know that the job itself, while difficult to get back into the groove, is not too bad. The students do what I tell them to do and for the most part are respectful. This is a much better experience than the one I had last year. Still, I feel stress because I am moving soon and am still waiting for my car to arrive from NY -- actually, I am still waiting for it to ship from NY.

Word has it that the neighborhood where I'm moving is wonderful. The leasing agent told me all about the Y nearby, but I didn't really give it much thought. Until today when the librarian at my school was raving about it and the library that's near my new apartment. So, I guess things will feel much better when I leave this place that constantly reminds me of the horror-that-was-last-year.

And, of course, I hope I will feel a little more awake.

Happy Labor Day weekend.

I hate being a technology dunce. There is so much I want to do for my students, but I am stuck with my limited knowledge of how to build something as supposedly simple as a powerpoint. What's worse is that even though I printed instructions, they were absolutely no help at all. I really learn best by watching, doing and taking very meticulous notes.

Sure, I suppose some would think I should just find another means of getting the information across, but the truth of the matter is that I feel hampered by my own inability to get a good job done. I am grateful that where I work there will be classes offered -- for free if I don't need or want the credit -- on powerpoint, excel and word. I desperately need this help. It's just around the corner. But, I have a lesson I am dying to teach.

I don't know why I'm this slow. I want to be able to do these things, but I have never really learned. To make matters worse, I lived in a household with a kid who definitely knew how to do these things. Why didn't I ever tap into that source? Oh well, live and learn.

I suppose this is the week I need to make a decision regarding whether or not I return to Las Vegas. As a result, I can feel myself getting more depressed. To an outsider, the decision would be easy: you're depressed, stay home. But, I have a husband who makes not a lot of money. If I were to stay here, we would have enough to pay the bills that are attached to this house, but not enough to pay the added costs that I amassed as a result of my move last year.

I wait to hear from the two jobs I interviewed for last week. There is no guarantee that I got anything and that's the reason I am making arrangements -- though tentative -- to return west. This sucks. And, although the city has lifted its hiring freeze, I have not had positive feelings from the interviews I've had in the city. The bottom line is I can't count those eggs. Last week was the first time I was interviewed by a NYC principal who actually looked me in the eye. Really, things are not rosy here.

So my stomach continues to have butterflies.

It's that time of year when school supplies are flooding the shelves and we need to stock up.

It's also the time of year when I question whether or not I need to purchase everything on the list. To begin, Tyler needs a binder for each of five classes. Five binders??? That is quite a bit to fit into a backpack for homework, isn't it?

I honestly don't know what to do this year. My child lacks the organization needed to juggle and correctly bring home five binders. I feel like this may be a recipe for disaster. On the other hand, am I causing problems for him by NOT getting the necessary materials?

I guess my biggest beef is that when I do purchase the list of supplies, at the end of the year Tyler comes home with unused notebooks and such. Why?

We'll see what happens.

When it rains, it pours.

Yesterday I felt as though there was no way I was going to get a job. Today, I have one albeit in Las Vegas. Further, I have an interview in Monticello, NY on August 9 and am attending a job fair on August 2 for the Bronx. Good news. The Bronx has been given the go-ahead to hire outside the DOE for English positions. Please, please, please let me get a job close to home and in the same time zone.

I am becoming increasingly irritated and bothered by the economic situation in this country. I am tired of hearing about the debt ceiling and the republicans and the democrats. Why can't the two parties just make a list of things they can agree on and work from that? Is it really so difficult? I am not alone here either. The American people are being taken hostage by a group of politicians who don't realize that they are supposed to represent the people, not the lobbyists who pay for their campaigns. (And, as an aside, why is it legal for the republicans to sign a contract saying they won't raise taxes? Don't we need taxes to pay for things like war?)

this same failure to accept ownership of the economic downturn seems to be causing problems in the educational system. We have too many teachers who simply will not do more than they have to do. Some teacher contracts state that they do not need to attend extra-curricular events without pay flies in the face of research. We are supposed to teach the whole child not just the one sitting in the classroom. If teachers are doing nothing over the summer, then they are probably in the wrong field. Reading, traveling and such are pieces of the job. Broadening horizons is what makes us better people and teachers. Many do not bring that extra something into the class room. It's time they did. And those who do not should be looking for employment elsewhere.

Teaching interviews are a joke. Oftentimes I am asked about what technology I would use. The simple truth is this: we are hindered by the limits the school has. If the school has little in the way of access, then it doesn't matter what technology I would use. And, it stands to reason that if the school is tech savvy, so too will the teachers who work there. Knowledge of programs or technology does not make good teachers. Keeping the eyes on the content and doing what is necessary to enable children to learn that content is what is most important. Being asked what I know about differentiating instruction is a laugh: teachers generally don't do it. So, why bother asking what I know if you don't embrace it and demand it from every teacher on staff? There are a lot of new teachers out there willing to apply all this knowledge to the classroom but no spots are available to them because teachers too lazy to create new lessons are using up space.

America needs to get back to what made it great in the first place. We need to work harder and expect superior output. If we continue to allow the status quo to be the yard stick by which all is measured, then we will continue in this downward spiral.

So it continues to rain.

I am applying to jobs like crazy and keep running into the same costly request: the official transcript.

Now, I have no problem providing such information for jobs, but I have an issue with the cost involved. Furthermore, since I am licensed to teach in the states where I am seeking employment, I have already provided the official transcript to the state itself. Transcripts cost about 5 bucks each. I need an official transcript from each school I attended (four in my case). So, to apply for a job it's costing 20 bucks per application. Oftentimes, I hear nothing once I provide said info. Where is there a benefit to me?

I think perhaps it's time to write to Congress (because they have nothing else to do but bicker with each other), and give a piece of my mind. I have applied to some districts more than one time. Each time they request an official transcript. WHAT DID THEY DO WITH THE FIRST SET I PROVIDED? See, it's not cost effective. I think it should be perfectly okay to provide copies of the transcript. If you get far enough along, provide the official.

And, on that note, I have an issue with the letter of recommendation. If you want to know, pick up the phone and ask. One place I provided the letters to asked me to send more because the dates weren't current enough. Really, what am I to do if I haven't gotten a job? Furthermore, should I have to carry around a current letter all the time if I provide an email address and phone number for the contact? More importantly, I have NOT gotten a job based on the quality of the recommendation I received so why all the fuss?? Teaching is a job that requires the applicant to provide fingerprints to determine their innocence. (again, at cost to the applicant)

I have two degrees and still rely on the first degree to make or break me. I do know some people who have done very well throughout school. I was not one of those people. However, I am still being judged by that. I have a virtual 4.0 in grad school but that amounts to nothing because I need the official transcript from every school I took classes from meaning they see the dunce I was in undergraduate school and decide I don't know anything.

Ugh. I hate looking for jobs. It's so demeaning when none materializes.

Job hunting sucks.

I went for one yesterday -- a little leave replacement job -- and received an email today basically saying I didn't make it to the next step. Reason? They are looking for someone with more experiences than I. Really? I have a pretty wide range of experiences. What exactly are they looking for? (Truth be told, I know I got a form letter. Still, it doesn't fit the bill. Imagine if I didn't answer questions that were directed at me but just gave any old answer.)

Having to hear from people in my boat getting jobs also continues to feel as though I've been kicked in the stomach. I really wish I could find an interview coach for my field. I know the right things to say -- I say them. My question is : what do I need to do to get a job?

This evening I applied for two jobs. This afternoon I applied to another job. Tomorrow I am going to start making phone calls to find out what is going on. I enjoy earning money and don't like the feeling of inadequacy I feel when I can't find a job.

Good luck to me.

I have made the decision to not return to Las Vegas. If I had a job, I would possibly consider it. However, I have no job and the future in education here looks mighty bleak. It's time for a change because I need to do something. I enjoy earning money. Fact is, I need to because it's so expensive in NY state.

Perhaps something will come up in NYC. It seems to be the only place interested in hiring teachers with experience. I am continuing to try other states as well. I have FL certification and I am waiting for the certification from Virginia. Still, that doesn't quite do it for me because I need a job -- I really don't need to be spending money.

When I get home I hope I'll be able to be as relaxed as I am here. It is so soothing to be here where I can pay all my bills and still have money left over for a fun time for the weekend. At home, every expense causes me anxiety.

I wish I knew what type of job, outside of teaching, I could get. I want to do something fun and rewarding and close to home. I would like a challenge but flexibility to take time if Tyler is sick or something. If only, if only.

Mean people suck but unprofessional coworkers are the pits.

I had a bad day mostly because I reported missing work from my students who are in a satellite program. So, the English teacher in charge at satellite had some not so nice words to say to me because she got her ass chewed. My fault? No. I've been down this road with this coworker before. She doesn't do her job; I report it.. End of story.

Or not.

I learned several years ago that it's better to "clear the air" rather then let things fester. I went to the coworker afterwards and said she was unprofessional and I didn't appreciate it. She admitted her error in this manner. "I apologize but .... " Look, throwing "but" in negates the apology. Such a dumb girl. The worst part was her saying I was unprofessional because I didn't care about the satellite students. Hmmm. Is she qualified to make that assessment?

Bottom line. I pissed someone off because I reported her failure to do her job. Sadly, she is the same teacher who passes kids by giving them enough extra credit for bringing tissue boxes into class. Nevada is doomed.

I am getting ready to leave and there's so much to do. Mostly I'm worried about getting this apartment emptied out. That shouldn't be that hard; it's just a matter of starting the process. I only wish I hadn't signed a one year lease. Then again, when I consider the state I was in when I signed the lease, I am okay.

I wish I had a job lined up for next year, however. I have really enjoyed earning money again and know that the job situation in NY is dire. I have applied to jobs in Virginia and Florida, but I don't really know how much in need teachers there really are. I just have to keep trying.

Retail therapy. Who coined this phrase? Is it real or a flash-in-the-pan?

Regardless, I did a lot of retail therapy this weekend. And, despite the amount of shopping I did, it could have been much worse. In fact, I think, all things considered, I was pretty restrained.

Let's begin on Saturday. It was hot so we began the weekend poolside chatting and sunning. Finally, we got ourselves off the lounges and into the shower and went for a late lunch. Afterwards, we stopped at Nordstrom Rack. Frankly, I am a shoe and purse person, so when I saw the high prices on the handbags (yes, despite the mark downs -- I am cheap), I figured the store would offer nothing for me. WRONG. I got to the shoe section and met much to my liking in both taste and wallet. So, I got shoes. Then I got some clothes. And earrings. Out in under a hundred. Not bad.

Sadly, the next morning I woke up with a strong desire to shop at the Dooney and Bourke outlet. There is a handbag I've been admiring for several months. Leather and beautiful. Now, I'm no stranger to outlets, so I figured what I wanted -- even a close facsimile -- would not be available. Again, WRONG. I found the handbag, marked for less than you could buy in the store and then it had a 60 percent cut from there. Really, I just had to buy it. I'm not sorry for it either.

Then we went to Old Navy. Sometimes I find stuff -- and lots of it -- but often not. So, when I found a pair of pants I liked, and then another, I figured I'd pick one of the two and call it a day. I had to bring both pairs to the register because the pair I chose had no tag. When the saleslady told me they were three bucks and change, I opted to buy both pairs. (Who can blame me?)

Thank heavens the weather is good for hiking. I will not be shopping at Red Rock Canyon.

The budget mess is just making the budget mess bigger. Because of cuts, there are more lay-offs. With more layoffs come more people on unemployment.

I have been -- sort of -- let go. Since I work in a school that has been designated a "turnaround" school, all teachers were let go. As a result, I don't know if I am a surplus teacher or if I should just make plans now to return to NY in the summer. I sent an email to my administrator and she said it would be easier to explain in person. It doesn't sound good. As a result, I am putting forth great effort to see as much as possible out here in the west while I can.

As for the politicians, well, I have simply had enough. Why does the budget have to be political? Just cut 10 percent from everything. no feelings hurt. And, only give tax breaks to the richest when they actually do give jobs to people.

Stopping the government? I am embarrassed here. These times call for action but they don't call for a change in policy. Just let everything go as is and cut from all. We need to get along and get moving. Three wars? Seriously?

Japan is falling apart. In fact, it seems as though the world is. We need to put our priorities in order and start counting our blessings while we still have some.

What is entitlement? Why do some kids feel like they should have it and others don't?

My job would be so much easier if I could just understand this business of entitlement. It's odd too because you'd think this was a bigger issue in the rich school I taught in. Not so. The worst kids I've ever encountered are right here in Las Vegas. They never seem to miss the subtle (and not so subtle) opportunities to "get" irony.

Take the students who claim they think all have the right to be listened to when they speak only to speak when someone else is talking. Or the kids who don't hold a door open for you but complain if you should do the same. How about those who disrupt the class constantly then don't understand when you get mad a them? I have one student who uses the "f" word fairly regularly (in my class to me and within my hearing) but claims she freaked out on me because I had the nerve to same "damn" to her face.

This is the word nigger. I heard kids using it in class, joking around. I don't get it. If you want to be treated with respect, show some. To yourselves and those around you. Really, if you don't want to be called an asshole, don't use the word asshole. I don't like the word cunt. Guess what? I don't use it.

This year is definitely a learning curve for me. Given the chance, I would like to work in a Hispanic school next year. They seem to have more respect for their own role in learning. They don't play the blame game as often and they don't hate me for no reason.

What's wrong with education? We don't reflect enough on what we do and who we are. Students need to own up to their faults and learn how to attract more flies with honey.

Finally a concert for Rod and me to attend. Even better, I can see Cake in NY while I'm home for spring break or he can see them with me here in Vegas before the big drive home! Maybe it's that time of year when the bands I want to see are coming out to do their thing.

Now, I've not checked on cost. Concerts are so expensive these days, but still .... I would sure like to see a current band -- someone who is newer to the scene than last century. Sure the oldies are goodies, but I'm tired of being reminded that I too am an oldie.

This concert thing has been the icing on the Cake (and cake is the band I would like to see as mentioned above). I bought groceries today and caved and bought a box of donuts. I mean, really, do I need a whole box to myself? Apparently yes. I just bought a 2 piece swim suit -- I need to keep that in the forefront of my mind. I should also get off my soon to be fat again ass and exercise!!!

I love a warm spring day. Here in Las Vegas we've had a nice string of them. When I'm in NY these days make me yearn for my teen years when friends and I would head down to the river to drink a few cold ones and just enjoy each other's company. While I don't ever want to relive those years, I do look back on them fondly when the weather plants the seed of thought.

This is also the time of year when I'm reminded of how much I enjoy the moderate temperatures of spring and fall. Though those seasons generally only last about a month each here, their presence is fulfilling. And, with the weather my New York friends have been suffering through this year, my new neighborhood seems that much more enjoyable.

At least until summer gets here.

I've been trying to wrap my mind around this teacher union issue. Why, I ask myself, am I so opposed to the present teacher union? I don't think teachers who get paid more should have to lose their job because of tightening budgets. However, I never really liked the idea that the unions would so vehemently deny schools the right to fire bad teachers. Frankly, I think bad teachers make the profession look bad. We've all worked with bad teachers; why defend them?

Teachers have been shouting for higher pay. They are finally making it yet they are unwilling to do what the public demands: improve education. Every time I sit with true-blue union teachers, I hear them talk about what they don't have to do. They don't have to go to graduation to see the product of their efforts get a diploma. They don't have to go to the concerts to see how their students may have talent they did not previously know about. They don't have to stay late to help a student. They don't have to make parent phone calls from home. They don't have to attend sports events. What then do they have to do? Just show up and get a check.

If teachers want to be treated like the professionals they profess themselves to be, they need to recognize what they are here for. Can you imagine the public outcry if doctors went on strike because they were upset with the conditions under which they worked? Why don't lawyers unionize? There is something fishy about this business and I suspect it's that teachers do not care about what they claim about : their students. Otherwise, how could they really justify walking out on strike because they might have to pay a couple more bucks for health insurance. Or they might have to be held accountable for the work they do.

I recently watched the movie Norma Rae. I get why people wanted to unionize the textile mills: because they were working in unsafe conditions for too low a pay. Teachers do not now have that. Furthermore, when textile workers walk out on strike, they hurt no one but he people they want to hurt -- the fat-cat owners. When teachers walk out on strike they simply say, "Too bad kids. My wallet is more important than your education."

I know many teachers in private schools who have to prove their worth every year. While seniority plays in to some areas, the bottom line is the bottom line. If you don't haul your weight and make a difference , you're out. Time to make a change.

Last night I heard a girl (my window was open) freaking out because there was a really big spider. I lay in bed wondering how big do spiders get here? I know tarantulas get big; I also know if I saw one I wouldn't be referring to it as a spider. I've seen nothing but bees (just yesterday) and crickets. So, I went to the experts: my students.

According to my sources, the big concerns here are the brown recluse spider and tarantulas. So, whatever that lady was complaining about was for naught.

However, I did learn that to be safe I should check my boots for scorpions. Great. I don't know how I'd feel if I found a scorpion in my apartment. I wonder if I'd have the creeps every night until I moved or if I'd get used to them. Frankly I'm not interested in finding out. It's enough for me to know to watch for lizards and to keep the screen door shut at all times just in case. I suppose it goes for everything -- better safe than sorry.

Job hunting again. And, again, it's not because I don't do my job well, it's because of extenuating circumstances.

I don't think I've been paying close enough attention, but there is grant money available to "at risk" schools who are willing to "turnaround". So, to be eligible, my school needs to do some house cleaning. Namely, the school must lay off ALL employees; they may hire back only -- max -- 50 percent. so, I hunt again.

the good news is that Clark County needs teachers. And, oddly enough, I am certified in a high need area. Frankly I think Clark County is the only place I know of that needs English teachers.

My students are feeling unsettled. They want some of their favorite teachers to be back. They've asked me to reapply for my job. I am hesitant. If the school is granted the grant, other requirements must be met. The district did not make clear what those requirements were. I know they are discussing a longer work day. I've worked very hard at Mojave High School, but I don't know how much more I can do. since the district is not forthcoming with the details, I don't know what to do. Even if I applied I don't know that I'd be hired back. (Call me naive though because I think I would be hired back.) The bottom line is I need to look for a job again.

There is good news on the horizon. The long term sub working across the hall from me indicated that Bridger Middle School (about 4 blocks from my apartment) will need 3 English teachers next year. Her parents teach there and she's put in a good word for me. So, we'll see. In the meantime, I just have to continue to do my job and do it well. The end of third quarter is around the corner and I have much to accomplish.

Sea world. The place of my dreams. Really, I figured if I went to California I would definitely get to Sea World. And I did. And it was a let down times ten.

First is Shamu. We went to the Shamu show and it was corny. the lighted screen flashing "Believe" and then, from the pool behind the screen enters the star of the show to jump out of the water. And that's all Shamu and his friends did. Jump up. get a fish. But the biggest trick up Shamu's sleeve was to splash the audience.

Sea World was not a cheap ticket nor did it include little rides around the park. I felt as though I was shelling out money right and left. I know money shouldn't be such a big issue while on vacation, but I couldn't help but to feel fleeced. Well, at least the San Diego Zoo lived up to my expectations.

Education is really important. Dumb kids are not dumb enough to know they are not smart and get angry.

Why, if we all have access to the same media, are some places more tacky than others?

Take Las Vegas, for instance. The people here are multiply pierced and possess many tattoos. I wonder if these people are aware that those markings may significantly reduce their chances of getting hired in other places? Or, if they are aware that their look is not necessarily desired in other places.

I know some may not care, but I am still curious. New York women dress so much better, seems to me, than women in other cities in this country. I always feel fat in Manhattan; I never suffer such body-doubt in other cities.

When I was growing up -- my high school years -- I lived in a community that was pretty wholesome and the dress was considered, mostly, preppy. In neighboring Rockland county, the girls were dressing rather trashy. The same was true of the girls in Syosset if my future roommate was any indication. I wonder if it's economic differences or simply values of the community. Does a more christian community necessarily have a more conservative dress?

Just something to think about.

We had a mandatory meeting with the principal today regarding the dreadful writing scores. Somehow, it feels wrong to have the blame placed in my lap. Frankly, based on the evidence, I would have been able to predict who of my students would pass, who would fail. I don't want to sound like a whiner, but why is it my fault that students who have been doing poorly for years wind up failing the proficiency test?

The news, though, is bad. Only something like 39 percent of the students who took the test passed it. That number has dropped since 2008. then, over 65 percent passed the writing proficiency. So, why the drop?

So, I am being asked to tell my principal what I am going to do to get the students to pass. Hmmm....hold them captive? take the test for them? force them to do the work? I don't know what the right approach is. I go in every day wishing that the planned lesson I present grabs their attention. Often times it does not, yet I show up every day trying. I am making no progress. What am I going to do? Talk to these kids and say, "If you want to pass the proficiency in writing test, you better do what I teach. Write every day and stop telling me you have nothing else to write. Expand your horizons."

Sure hope that approach works.

Where are the jobs? Just today I was reading about how more teaching jobs will evaporate because stimulus money is not available. I hope my daughter finds work in a school, but what will I do next year?

Living alone has its benefits. I can do what I want when I want. The prospect of being here next year is less difficult to imagine than it was two months ago. I already have a place and a job. I've done the hard work already -- planning a class in any school for the first time is a very time consuming job. Doing it a second year in a row? Not too hard. Still, I'd like to be home -- and employed.

I hate that I'm approaching 50 and I am still worrying about employment. I think there are still about 17 more years for me to work before I can retire with benefits. But where are the jobs?

A nook for baby books? Really?

Nook is a great idea, but there really is no replacing the hands-on feeling of a real, live book. this is especially true for kids. I think they need to experience the book, not see it as though it's a TV. I am just too old fashioned, I guess.

Back to my own book.

What's more important: getting kids to pass school or getting them to learn?

I wonder about the education system. We pass the good, quiet kids along without pushing them to reach new heights while we pass the quiet kids with weak skills along because we feel bad that it would damage their psyche if we held them back. Perhaps it's time to reconsider the one room school house. Students moved forward when they were ready, not when their age indicated they needed to be at a certain level.

I have senior students in high school who cannot read well. I also receive pressure to get them to pass. At the same time, I was at a faculty meeting where the staff was told that they are not holding the bar high enough. Furthermore, the deans in the school are too focused on the legal parts of their job. As a teacher, I am only interested in the academic portion of my job. So, the deans and I don't see eye-to-eye because of the nature of our jobs.

American education needs a change but I don't think it's going to happen.