It's amazing how I wait and wait and anticipate and count down the days, nights, minutes only to have the weekend I've been waiting for end.....

Rod was here for three short nights and already I am home from the airport. He is probably on the plane now waiting for takeoff. I'm here now hating my life away from him. This is the last year we will be apart, but it also feels like the longest year of my life.

My job sucks. In some respects, it's good that Rod is away and doesn't have to hear me complain about the nonsense-- in detail -- every single day. On the flip side, I feel as though now, more than ever, I need his support. Mostly I need someone to laugh with and share ideas with. Sure, when we live together things fall into a rut. But I'd rather be in that rut than where I am now.

Friday was supposed to be such a good day. I was taking a professional development day of sorts. I had a substitute in my room so I could see "good" teachers in action. I filled out paperwork to leave at 1:25 to get Rod from the airport. But, since I viewed 5 teachers, I left the last period class at 1:20 and probably left campus at 1:22. Wouldn't you know it that I was being paged to call my boss' office at the end of the day? Naturally, due to the shit year I've been having, I feel a sense of doom. (For the record, the only reason I know I was being sought was because my friend Drew texted me wondering if I was still on campus. So, I know I was being hunted down.) This sense of doom was present for the whole weekend. If I were working for a reasonable person, this would be a non issue. Alas, I don't work for a reasonable person.

So, despite it all, I simply love my husband. I trust him and enjoy his company even if all we're doing is having coffee and reading a book. It was fun to just watch some TV together or go to a bar together. We went to Death Valley and the Atomic Testing Museum. We saw the Bodies exhibit. It was time for just the two of us with no interference from anyone else. Sheer joy. And it's over.

In six weeks I will be home for spring break. Then, seven weeks after that I'll be home for Memorial Day weekend. Then, two weeks later I begin my drive home -- for good.

The greatest lesson I learned from this experience is that I am a better person with my husband than without him. Home is where not just the heart is but where my center is. Everything that matters is there. I should be too. 15 weeks and counting.

I work in a career that I love but trapped in a job that I hate. What to do?

It's really hard to swallow the fact that despite all my successful years of teaching, landing a job in a horrible school may just end my career.

I want to scream at the top of my lungs, "THIS ISN'T FAIR!" But, what's fair anyway? Being judged harshly because I have the strength of character to tell students they may not pass if they don't do work. When did we decide as a society that it would be okay for kids to just show up to school and do nothing? When did we decide that doing no work meant they were mastering the material?

In the current climate, many point the finger at ineffective teachers. True, there are many teachers out there who do nothing. In fact, there are teachers out there who do actual damage. I am not one of those but I am being made to feel as though I am. I work for the meanest son-of-a-bitch that walked the school hallways. He tells me I'm negative. The irony seems lost on him. I know that he believes the school is the best in the district; numerically speaking I guess it is, but the students are not sharp tools. They cannot think critically. They cannot write a good sentence. If the goal of the freshman English teacher is to teach a good paragraph, how good can the school be? I taught more demanding stuff to 7th grade students. Sure, they were in private school, but that didn't make them more motivated or interested. In fact, I'd argue that the audience was far more difficult to please. I could manage there; why can't I here?

Maybe the problem is that no one is willing to ask the tough questions. Why do so many fail my class? Or, why don't others fail students? There is another teacher at my school who is in trouble for giving too many A grades. Can you win??

Here's how I see it: if only 30% can pass the state proficiency in reading, maybe the grades are inflated. Maybe, one should look at those stellar grades compared to the actual performance of the student. Do those numbers line up?

I know how to work with students who don't possess strong skills. I do NOT know how to teach students who don't have to work.

I was never much of a Whitney Houston fan, but her death just reminds me of the tragedy that fame and life in the spotlight can do.

As I reflect on what I knew from her life through Entertainment Tonight, I wonder if we loved to hate her. She seemed plagued by those looking to find fault in everything she did. She fell in love with a man who wasn't good for her and the media kept the pressure up. Is it any wonder she had difficulty with drugs?

Whatever the reason she is no longer here, I feel for the life that is no more. I also hope that she's found peace. Life is tough. Some people just need a break.

RIP

A religious liberty issue?

I am having difficulty understanding the stance of the Catholic church. They do not want to have to provide certain elements of healthcare coverage to people who may not adhere to the Catholic rules. My issue is their argument, a weak one, that if you want better healthcare coverage find a job with someone else. Really?

I used to work in a Catholic school. I should not have been denied certain healthcare coverage items. Birth control is my business, not the employer's business. What I do with the insurance is my business.

Why does this country not understand that we all should have access to things like birth control and abortion (if you so choose to make use of those things is your business)? Are we so naive to think that Catholic women don't use birth control or they don't have abortions?

Personally I believe that many are just arguing for the sake of argument not because they actually believe what they're arguing. Separate religion from government, now.

I miss home.

I want to be around my family and my house and dog. They make me happy and I am missing them terribly.

Still, I think it's done us all good to have me away. I am definitely difficult to live with. It's also nice to know that we're all okay even though we've experienced this unusual family situation. That's a sign of a strong family. I am so lucky to have what I have.

I don't really think absence makes the heart grow fonder. I think absence just reminds us of what is important in life. It's so easy to take the important stuff for granted. I am grateful that I've been given this opportunity to experience what I hadn't experienced before. Living on my own and doing what needed doing is important. When I go home I will do so with the realization that I can do a lot on my own. I know now that I have the courage to do what needs doing without getting help from others.

If I stick it out for the duration of the school year, I will have overcome the biggest obstacle I'd ever faced in my professional career. Moving out here helped me deal with the nutty phobias I'd started having.

But I'm finished with this stint. It's time to go home to the place that is like me. I'm tired of trying to fit in. And I don't ever want to live in a republican state again.

This week just keeps getting better.

Yesterday I waited 20 minutes to get into a Parent Teacher Conference. So, since I had yet another meeting to scurry to, I politely entered the room and said, "I am really sorry but I have another meeting to get to, could I come in." Then I met with the parent and student. It was pleasant. I was on my way.

Today I learn someone lodged a complaint against me: Unprofessional conduct at a parent conference.

Really???

I HATE my job. I HATE public school education. We are failing our kids when we deal with trivial shit like this and allow kids to do no work.