Christmas from the heart

I suppose one of the good things about having little money is the creative things we give at Christmas.

I made some necklaces from trellis ribbon and a crochet hook, knit a sweater and some socks, baked a ton of cookies.  Rod made birdhouses and garden signs.  Frankly, I enjoy this method of gift giving.  And, I really enjoy receiving homemade gifts.

This year, in addition to the gifts Rod made for me, my brother-in-law and his fiancee made pecan toffee (so damn good I had to ask for it again after receiving some last year) and chai tea.  Wow!  It's delicious (and I'm thinking of making another cup).

Back in the day, kids used to make stuff in art class or the regular classroom for their parents to give at Christmas or mother's day or father's day.  I enjoyed getting the little marigold sprout or the poem about how fast kids grow up.  It's been years since I got that, obviously because the kids are older, but it is so nice to receive a gift from the heart.

Pictures will be posted in the near future.

Two questions on everyone's mind:  Why?  When will the gun laws change?

Frankly, I don't think there is an answer to why the shootings occurred in Connecticut last week.  I heard one person today suggesting that the shooter was in a rage because he is a vegan and was grossly disgusted about others killing.  Well, that just makes no sense, does it?

I am no psychiatrist, but I believe why the shootings occurred is rooted in the fact that people are more and more unhappy and unable to cope.  Just a glance in the public school classroom and you'll see that no one may speak sharply to students -- they have fragile psyches.  However, these same students  are also quite mean. We need to find a way to be more sympathetic or empathetic to those around us.  When did caring go out of style?

As for the gun laws, I don't know what to say.  The shooter did not own a gun.  His mom did.

I would like tougher laws against people who use guns improperly.  That includes those whose guns are used by others to do harm.  It's true that in this particular instance the woman who owned the guns wouldn't face the courts, but if people were more SAFE with their weapons, and stored them more securely, perhaps this wouldn't have happened.

This senseless killing is scaring me.  We are not a very pleasant society yet we fail to look closely in the mirror to see what we can do to stop the tragedy.

I have been 50 for more than a week.  I don't like where I am and need to make change.

The first order of business is to lose weight and inches.  I am downright embarrassed about how I look. When I look at pictures of myself when I was young (about 20 years ago), I am amazed by how thin my legs were.  Goodness.  Who knew?  I did not.  In fact, I was as self-conscious then as I am now (though then I did not worry so much about my clothes since they ALL fit).  So, come the new year it's diet time.  I do not have a goal in mind, I just want all the clothes in my closet to fit well.

The holidays is the worse time to diet so I'm not going to start yet, but I do need to get moving.  That I can do any day.  Starting today I will be walking DAILY.  I would additionally like to start some basic weight training.  Sculpted arms are sexy.

Next, I need to work on my professional life.  Currently I have none and it's making me depressed.  I am also conflicted about my previous profession.  I like teaching but have serious concerns about teaching in general.  We allow kids to get away with so much and ask them to do so little.  Ugh.  It's tiring just thinking about it.  But what else am I going to do?  Well, for starters, I am just going to apply to jobs that are interesting to me.  Today I am filling out an application to work part-time for town hall.  What the hell, if nothing else it'll give me some insight into this nutty town.

Most importantly, I need to find acceptance.  I need to accept who I am but accept others as well.  While my daughter is an awesome person on her terms (and I don't take the credit for it), I need to recognize that my son's issues are his and not a reflection on me as an individual.  He needs something that I don't fully understand yet.  The best I can do for him is be supportive of the good stuff he does, recognize what help I should provide, and be firm when his behavior demands it.  That's all I can do.

So, here we go.  I have a lot on my plate.  It's time to make change.

When I was in high school, all the "cool" kids had a backgammon board they carried around.  Needless  to say, when I had money, I bought one for Rod and me even though the game had gone out of style.  Still, it's a good game to play, if you need something to do.  As we needed this week.

Tyler wanted to play backgammon and I was game (no pun intended).  He handily beat me in the first game -- it made him hungry for another round.  The dice, however, were with me in the second round and I beat Tyler easily.  Worse, he twice rolled a double six but couldn't move because his man was out on the bar.  Boy did that make him steamed.  Tyler lost.  And is he a sore loser!!!

What makes some kids easily handle losing while others struggle with it?  I am not generally a sore loser (though some Wii games aggravate me because I cannot get the gismo to do what I want it to do), but I am also not terribly competitive.  Tyler is a sore loser (always has been) and he is also not competitive.  What makes us behave as we do?  More importantly, is there something I could have done as a parent to make Tyler more easily handle losing?

I hope later today Tyler will be ready for another game of backgammon.  While there is luck involved, he also needs to start learning strategy.  Perhaps being able to see what's happening in the game and knowing the risks will make him more readily accept what happens.

I don't think there are many people who would argue against the need for school reform.  The trouble, however, is determining what needs to be reformed.

In my small community, it was obvious five years ago that there was a problem.  Since we are a district that merges with two other communities at the high school level, it is easy to see and compare the differences between the various districts.  While I don't remember the dividing line so clearly when I was in school, I have seen it in the last 15 years.  Just a look at the top ten students in the high school graduating class indicates that we -- the home district -- are below the other districts.  This is a big deal because the home district also has the most students.  I am no numbers person, but if we are contributing the most students, shouldn't we have the higher proportion of those at the top?

So, in this little district the academic achievement needs to be addressed.  Personally, I think it can start with discipline.  A substitute in the local school is not afforded the same level of respect noticed in the neighboring district of Garrison.  When I enter the class in Garrison, the students expect me to instruct them and they willingly participate.  That is the culture of the school.  In our district, the culture dictates that the substitute is there to manage the class.  If, every day a student has a sub that's the lesson, imagine how much instruction our home children are missing.

Inner city schools have their own issues.  Migrant students are one issue.  Kids who do not stay in the same school over a school year (say, moves from one school to another to another) cannot get the same education as a student who is present on a regular basis.  A policy can heap the load of responsibility on the teacher, but if the student does not come to school, can we really expect a teacher to get the job done?

I believe teachers need to be held accountable.  But we need to clearly define what students need before we can determine if the teacher is providing that.  If a kid needs to get to school, let's measure that first. If kids are hungry, then offer food.  If kids need medical assistance, give it to them.  The bottom line is it's not just the teachers who make a difference.  The American Educational System is failing because it wants a one-size-fits-all policy.  If it doesn't recognize that students are individuals, then the billions we dump into the system is just going to the sewer.

Reform.  One school at a time.

Two at a time toe up socks.

They were not easy at first but it sure is rewarding to have a full pair at the end.

My biggest mistake, if you can believe how bone-headed I am, was mismeasuring my feet.  I think if I had given myself an extra half an inch, these socks would be perfect.  Even though I did the magic stretchy bind off, these are still pretty tight at the top.

So, I tried again, this time allowing for more wide feet.  And, I am using a self-striping yarn from Knit Picks which makes for more interesting knitting.

It's possible these will be too wide, but I have really begun LOVING hand knit socks.  They are warm (I am using superwash wool) and don't look like your run of the mill pair of socks.  Further, according to the girls who took this class with me, wool is better for your feet.  It keeps them warm, yes, but it also works to wick moisture from your feet.  Apparently, those who suffer from stinky feet benefit from wool socks.

Yes, this is a technique I'll be hanging on to.

I am trying to figure out when this country became a business looking for a leader.  Further, I don't know when we, as a country, decided that was the proper path to follow.

Mitt Romney stands for nothing.  He changes his mind on a dime and has offered no real answers.  The fact that he wants to repeal Obamacare indicates that he is out of touch with a majority of Americans who recognize that despite the cost, we need the government to put the brakes on insurance companies who deny coverage for those who are ill.  He may know business, but this country is not a business.  It's the "fat" he wants to cut that makes this country what it is.  The fact that we can have public broadcasting ensures fairness in reporting.  Perhaps he's never listened to BBC America.  It's valuable to understand how others see this country.  Cutting funding to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting could put us on the path to dictatorship.  Well, perhaps I go too far, but PBS has a value to this country.  cutting dollars would be a mistake.

With all the people running around bitching about the fact that "one nation under god" is supposed to be removed from the pledge to the flag, I wonder if anyone understands the need for government to separate church and state.  I don't want Paul Ryan's religious fervor playing a role in my day-to-day activities.  One of the best bumper stickers I ever saw was "If you don't support abortion, don't have one"  It's how I feel.  Why are we not looking closely at the contradictions of the moral majority.  Those who will not allow a woman to choose abortion but would allow a child to starve or live in squalor.  Where is the morality in that?

The Republican Party has hijacked this country by signing the contract stating they won't hurt the rich.  One of the problems in Greece today is the fact that they had a gross dividing line between the super rich and the rest.  We are on that path now.  I simply cannot understand why this country allows corporate big wigs to get away with their shenanigans.

There is something wrong with the gross difference between pay.  We need to fight it.  Rock on you Occupy Wall Street people.  We need more like you.  We need to fight insurance companies who charge way too much for so little.  We need to rise up as a group and say "NO MORE".

As a people we need to find common ground and get on board with what is wrong with this country and start fixing it.  We can begin by compromising.  It's how great presidents get the job done.

It's so nice to have power and internet back after a 47 hour absence. Super Storm Sandy did not hurt us here along the Hudson River.  When I see the images and hear the stories of others' loss, I feel so fortunate to have only suffered a limb through the roof of my old shed and a loss of power.  Still,  I feel news deprived.  I am having a difficult time understanding the damage done in New Jersey and around the city.   And, frankly, I am surprised to see so many people trying to get to work in the city.

One of the best parts about NYC is its public transportation.  Sure there are massive gridlock days, but people rely on mass transit.  In its absence, however, a mess ensues.  Do these people really need to get to work?  Or are they doing it because they can?  In this day and age, many of us can do our job -- theoretically -- from home.  Schools, obviously, cannot.  Nor can hospitals.  But where are these people going?  And why are so many not heeding the HOV rule?  As if traffic wasn't messed up enough, now there are rule breakers trying to drive into the city without the proper number of people in their vehicle.
Goodness.

Last night I was concerned about the concert we were to see.  thankfully it's been postponed so that traffic to the city will be back to normal.

so, it's easy for me to take this all in stride.  I had a loss of power in a house that has a generator and in a town that has power to run gas stations.  I simply cannot imagine the difficulty those in areas of Queens and the barrier islands and New Jersey must be going through.  A loss of home, power, property.  Cell towers are no able to run and they have even lost communication.  How can they face each day?  I wish I could drive in to New Brunswick and grab my friends and get them out of there.  Of course, maybe they have done that already.  This is a mess.

In less than a week we have, potentially, another mess on our hands.  What if Mitt Romney, man who previously stated that he did not believe the federal government should provide FEMA funds, wins the presidency?

As an unemployed woman, I have been looking for jobs -- obviously.  I was surprised to find a job that paid upwards of 100,000 dollars.  What did the prospective person need to do?  Organize a family's dates:  ballet, sports, tutoring, etc.

One hundred and fifty thousand dollars to be a woman who juggles a family's calendar.  Hmmm.....
That's the job that a stay-at-home mom used to do.  Get the kids to do their homework, go to practice, write a thank you note for a gift.  Oh wait, I forgot a task--shopping.

Really?  I have a masters degree in education and the pay doesn't come close.  Really, families can't take care of themselves??????

I just finished reading The Dry Grass of August by Anna Jean Mayhew and loved it!  And, were it not for one scene, I could see myself teaching the book in a class.

One scene is robbing students from a book that could potentially make reluctant readers real readers.  The scene in question?  A young girl is on the hunt for something in her parent's bedroom when the parents enter.  The girl happened to be under the bed, is afraid of her father, and doesn't want to let her presence known.  The parents have sex.

Well, I don't object to that.  Chances are kids have heard their parents having sex at least once.  It's a scene that they could probably relate to:  the embarrassment, the fear of being found, the awkwardness. Yet we live in a society that sells sex every day but won't allow young kids to read it.

What I have learned as a teacher is that students generally don't focus on that act.  They read the story for the story.  What happens next?  Why do the characters do what they do?  How could the outcome have changed?  These are questions we want students to consider as they read.  In the book, When I Was Puerto Rican by Esmeralda Santiago, there is a scene when the girl notices that a man is masterbating while watching her.  The narrator is both horrified and fascinated by the act.   In all the years I'd taught the book, only one class mentioned the scene.  While they were a bit uncomfortable, they were able to recognize that the author experienced that same sense of discomfort.  We had a very mature discussion about our realization that we mature and the baggage that comes with that.  This, by the way, with 8th grade students who could, at times, be very immature.  There is also a casual mention of a sex scene in Elie Wiesel's book Night.  Only one student ever mentioned the scene and he did it in private.  He was curious about whether or not he had read the scene correctly.  (For those who don't know, while the Jews are being brought to the concentration camps in the cattle cars, there are some who engage in sexual activity.  This is only casually mentioned, I think, to show how people manage in any given situation.  It's odd, but it's there just the same.)

I guess what I'm talking about is censorship.  Years ago I assigned the book Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson for summer reading.  One of my students read the book the day it was assigned and told the rest of the class to read it, it was that good.  Imagine my surprise, then, when I was called into the headmaster's office and told I had to take it off the list because a parent complained.  The book, for the record, is not about sex but about a rape.  It is not graphic.  In fact, the book is about a girl who needs to find herself and discover courage, strength, and friendship along the way.  It has excellent symbolism and generates authentic, deeply-thought discussion.

Nationally, reading scores in this country are dropping.  Research shows that reading comprehension improves when readers are able to connect to what they read.  Seeing the relationship between the material and their lives helps readers understand.  Why, then, do we insist on taking away the material that would engage them?

What to do when you want a job teaching, but the only available jobs are away from home?

I received an email from a principal of a school in Queens looking for a certified, experienced ELA teacher.  The school is middle grades (6-8) and seems okay.

The drawbacks are many.  It's an inner-city school which means there are a bucket load of troubles.  Kids who don't want to learn or do work.  Crowded classes where some may fall through the cracks.  Further, I'd have to live away from home (there is no commuting from the suburbs to Queens).  That in itself creates a bunch of issues.  Can the marriage survive it again?  Can my son handle it?  Do I want to give it a go?

I wish this were an easy decision.  It's not.

Some teachers have their nerve.

At the beginning of the school year, I wrote a note to my son's math teacher indicating that he did not know how to do math and he tended to do homework incorrectly.  I asked the teacher to keep me posted regarding his work.  I also suggested that she return homework with grades so my son and I could get feedback.  To ensure that the teacher knew me, I introduced myself to her at Back to School Night.  I reminded her that Tyler had difficulty with the subject and was interested to be kept informed of his progress.

Surprise, surprise.  I don't hear from the teacher.

As the year has progressed, I have had to contact her.  First, I wanted her to know that Tyler had no idea what was going on in class.  I asked what they were learning in class so my husband could help Tyler.  Instead of getting an answer like, "exponents" or "multiplying fractions", the answer I received was "check my website and look at the core curriculum".  Oh, for heaven's sake.  Really, a straighter answer would have been nicer.

Well, I had to contact the teacher again because Tyler still has no idea what is going on with math.  When I asked her if she was available after school to help Tyler, she told me he should come in at 7:30 in the morning and check with her during advisory.  As a former teacher, I know the focus of that help is not too good.  Advisory (homeroom) there is a lot of stuff going on.  Kids are fooling about, the teacher needs to take attendance, and the aid would be but cursory.  When I responded that I wanted an after school time AND that the students were not admitted to the building until 7:45, I got no response.

My kid is not perfect.  I have a meeting with his Spanish teacher next week because of his behavior.  This meeting was set up on Thursday.  Just this afternoon, I got an email from Tyler's Spanish teacher saying that the math teacher wanted to meet with me too.  But, could we change the meeting to 7:30 am so that she could be accommodated.  Really??????

This is why I'm annoyed.  First, the math teacher should have reached out herself.  Second, the issues are different and I will only deal with one at a time.  I could have scheduled a full parent teacher conference.  I am not ready to do so yet.

Boy am I frustrated.

Now I have to write a letter to the principal of the school complaining about the unavailability of the math teacher AND to let her know that I think the math teacher's failure to contact me herself is grossly unprofessional.

See what happens when I'm not working??

The flavor of fall

This being my first fall in New York for two years, I am enjoying the change in weather.  The cool, crisp air makes me want to cook and enjoy those foods that stick to your bones (despite the fact that I should stay away from those calories).  Last week I lit a pumpkin scented candle and the house smelled great.  I also enjoyed my first pumpkin coffee.

Pumpkin.  HOw long has it been a flavor favorite?  Years ago, when I was still in school, my bus stop happened to be located at Carvel.  Starting from the first week of October we'd run in after school to see if Fred (the proprietor) had made the pumpkin ice cream.  Over the years I've told this story and many think the idea of pumpkin ice cream is gross.  Well, they did before.  It seems that pumpkin has found a following.

This summer I opened my tastebuds to a new flavor sensation.  Blueberry beer.  It's good.  So, when Rod bought a flavor pack of Sam Adams beer, it included pumpkin beer.  It too was good.  Now the big thing is pumpkin coffee.

All this makes me wonder:  what have we been missing?  How do we cook pumpkin?  What is the proper pumpkin for cooking?  For fits and giggles, I am considering roasting the pumpkin we get this year.  Who knows, it might taste good too.
 

Let me state the obvious:  not all teaching jobs are equal.

After spending two school years in Clark County, Nevada, I feel mentally exhausted by the barrage of need that faced me.  With about 37 students per class, it was enough just to learn names of students, let alone be familiar with their special learning needs.  Add to that the fact that many students were below grade level in at least one area of learning:  reading, writing, speaking, listening and you have the perfect storm of a tough job.

I know how to teach and how to run a classroom.  After a poor review in Clark County, I had begun to question my ability to do anything correctly.  Then I was asked to substitute in a small public school in NY.  The job:  sub for the middle school English teacher.  6th grade English and reading, 7th and 8th grade English.  No class had more than 17 students.  For the most part, they all had the required materials.  As the substitute, I was able to control the class, do the required work, and help the students who were having difficulty with the material.  All students were on task.

Compare that scenario with my experience in Clark County.  Only a fraction of students arrive with the necessary materials:  paper and pen.  Very few arrived having prepared for class by either reading the material or writing the homework.  None had any questions about what they needed to do because they couldn't understand the first time what the directions were.  Effective teaching was measured by how quiet a class was and whether or not the students worked when they were given a task.  This was my weakness.  I always had difficulty because I expected students to arrive prepared.  They did not.  When I sought help, none was given.  So, there I was, struggling.

But I don't struggle in a setting where students are expected to do their part.  I do struggle when students are allowed to do no work.  Hmmmm.  What does this say about the state of education?

Enter a Kindergarten classroom and you will see a well-organized bee hive.  There is a flurry of activity and each student knows what is expected of him/her.  The routine does not vary -- students have assigned jobs and they do them.  First is independent work, then some circle time where songs are sung and the weather is determined.  Next we have some math problems.  Then we go to centers where all the subjects get addressed.  Then we regroup and maybe read a story together.  We have snack together too.

Funny, this is how the administration in Clark County want the high school classroom to be run.

Should a high school classroom be run in that manner?  Or do we only allow that in a Title 1 school?  (Or in a weak system?  I taught in the "best high school in Clark County, bar none" yet still was expected to run the class like it was primary school.)

So I return to my initial question.  Would the teacher in Garrison who has excellent students perform well in the Clark County system?  Do the teachers in Clark County get paid enough to handle the onslaught of apathy?

I always figured one of the most important lessons in a classroom is teaching responsibility.  If you take ownership of your shortcomings, you can devise ways to compensate or address those shortcomings to your advantage.  For example, I have difficulty spelling words that end in ence or ance.  As a result, if I am asked to give a writing sample, I avoid words with those endings.  Further, if you make a mistake, own up to it and move forward.

This failure to take responsibility is putting me at a great disadvantage.  I am beginning to question my understanding of the world since so many in power do not take responsibility and get ahead.  Is my rigid honesty a hindrance?

In Clark County, there are simply not enough certified teachers.  So, they have a "prep in lieu" program whereby the teacher sells his/her prep time to teach another class.  The woman in the room next to mine taught one of those classes.  I suspect she took the position because it was the darling programs of one of the administrators.  Anyway, my neighbor taught English in the satellite program.  This program was designed to offer classes to those students who might otherwise be expelled from school.  In an area where the drop out rate is grossly high, this offers those students an opportunity to stay in school though it's in a satellite location.

When I arrived in Clark County, the school year had already begun.  Three days in, one of my students was transferred to the satellite program.  I diligently gave the assignments to the teacher next door and nothing returned.  When I mentioned this to her, she shook her head in exasperation because the student simply did NOTHING.  Flash forward several months, and two of my students were transferred to the program.  This time, however, the administrator who oversaw the program was on top of things.  She sent an email requesting the work be sent to her.  After a few weeks another email was sent requesting information regarding the work that we were getting back from the students.  That is, how were they doing.  So, I responded.  I got no work back from either of the students.  Then the firestorm ensued.

My neighbor, during the passing of classes, berated me because I was so negative.  I simply stated that I did not think the program worked since the students did not do the work.  She blamed me for not providing work for my students.  When I indicated that I had provided the work, she came after me for being unprofessional and not coming to her directly if I had a problem.  Even one with a dull wit can see that her argument was flawed.  If she didn't come to me to say the work was not handed in, why would I come to her?  Further, I reminded her that when another student had been in the program earlier in the year, the same situation occurred -- no work was done.  It was my guess that the same was happening.  Responsibility.  The satellite teacher was not doing her job, but instead of admitting it, she opted to come after me.

And here we are in the present.  I had an interview in Mamaroneck last Friday.  Driving in a hard rain on the Palisades Parkway during rush hour sucked.  I had a horrible sinus headache and a bad interview.  The position was a short-term leave replacement for a teacher who was going out for surgery.  Imagine my surprise when I received an email this week from the principal inviting me back to teach a demo lesson the following day at 1:54.  If I was available, she would have the English teacher contact me to let me know where in the curriculum they were.  I responded I could be there.

Then the odd stuff happened.  I got an email from the principal's secretary saying the principal had left the office.  Then after school she emailed me to say that it would be put on hold.  In my confusion I just guessed that the part that was being put on hold was the word from the English teacher.  I went to do the demo lesson only to be told I wasn't needed.  Sorry for the miscommunication.

Hmmmm.  As an English teacher I can say the word that should have been used is "cancel"  because it leaves no room for misunderstanding.

I wrote an email to the principal thanking her for the opportunity to interview.  However, I also suggested that perhaps this could have been more clear if she had admitted that I was contacted erroneously -- no harm, no foul -- and let it go.  You know, admit your mistake.  Her response?  If I was confused, I should have emailed.  I'll admit that I could be guilty of stupidity, but I did my part.

Well, I guess I will try eschewing responsibility so I can grow in my career.

The sad truth is I had a unibrow.  Years of plucking have rendered it gone, but it definitely scarred me regarding hair -- where it should and shouldn't be seen.

Although I don't have course, dark hair on my head, the same is not so true of the rest of my body.  When I was thin I did not like being seen with a bathing suit in case some errant hair was to be seen.  Shaving works but it's not perfect.  When I learned about waxing I simply didn't know how to arrive to the salon -- do you trim?  -- so I didn't go.  Furthermore, frankly, I was embarrassed.  When I did build up the courage, I was not so pleased with the results.  (It didn't help that my expectations were far greater than the promise.)  Anyway, I bought a wax kit of my own and just did what I could.

Until I went to Las Vegas.

Las Vegas is a strange place.  No one seems to be saddled with negative self-image.  The tattoo industry is booming as are the piercing places.  Since I didn't know anyone in Vegas, I figured I could just do what I wished.  So, as I waited to have  pedicure, I noticed the salon also did Brazilian waxes.  A seed was planted.

Just before Christmas, I built up my courage and had a Brazilian waxing.  As it turns out, I did NOT have a full Brazilian (I didn't have the back end waxed).  Still, it didn't hurt as I thought it would.  I also found that I liked being semi-bald. I was definitely going to do it again.

One of the things I genuinely loved about my first year in Vegas was how I was able to do just girl things.  I made friends who allowed me to be a girl.  We did girl things.  We were silly.  We talked about anything and simply enjoyed each other's company.  It's because my relationships there were so girl related that I mentioned to a friend that I had a Brazilian.  Honestly, I thought I that perhaps my friend would be aghast at my revelation.  Not so.  She asked, "Do you go to the Pretty Kitty?"

Las Vegas does have a sense of humor.  Waxing is big business there and they like to play to the "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" crowd.  If you look for Brazilian waxes in Vegas online, two names come up:  The Pretty Kitty and The Box.  Both specialize in Brazilian waxes.  Sure, you can have your eyebrows done, but the big draw is the Brazilian.  The Box also does Brazilian's for men with the catchy phrase, "from the sac to the back." Because Brazilian's are their focus, both establishments advertise a quick, professional experience.

Since my friend recommended it, I made an appointment at the Pretty Kitty.  It's a nice atmosphere where you are greeted by hip receptionist who makes sure that you are comfortable with your procedure (some opt for a cream that numbs the area a bit).  Then she introduces you to your esthetician who escorts you to your room, shows you around, gives you time to undress and "freshen up" with wipes in privacy.  The entire session takes no more than 15 minutes.

Sadly, there is no Pretty Kitty in New York.  In fact, I am having trouble finding a suitable place with the atmosphere, speed and precision I am used to in Vegas.  Twice I've tried, most recently at European Wax Center.  Fail.

European Wax Center boasts the use of a wax that is not hot.  Muslin strips are not needed to remove the wax from the body.  So, the esthetician applies a thick layer of wax and waits for it to dry.  Once it does, she removes the wax and hair.  While it sounds easy, it was terribly painful.  Further, the wax has difficulty drying in a warm place.  The nether region is warm.  So, some residue is left behind.  I suppose you can imagine what it's like to have purple wax still stuck to you after the event.....

I am glad that I've found a way to be hair free.  Now I just need to find a place that can do it well.

Challenge.  It's there for the taking.  Or, it's there to vex.  I'm dealing with both types and trying not to pull out the small amount of hair I have.

My voluntary challenge is knitting a "simple" lace scarf.  This thing has literally been on the needles for over a year.  The challenge, to me, with knitting lace is the counting.  When it's quiet in the house, I get the rhythm of the knitting and counting:  knit one, yarn over, knit one, yarn over, knit three, slip one, knit two together, pass the slipped stitch over.  (In knitting patterns that's:  k1 yo twice k3 sl1 k2tog psso).  Initially this was quite difficult for me which is why it sat on the needles with no attention for so long.  However, I want to do something for myself.  I am not a quick knitter and often work on pieces for others for gifts.  I enjoy knitting for others, but I needed a change and a little something for myself.  Also, after a trip to the local yarn shop last week, I bought a new pattern for a pretty shawl.

Oh the joys of arriving home with a new pattern.  I have a large yarn stash and was wondering how to pair the new pattern with the yarn in the stash.  My eagerness was squashed, however, when I took a very close look at the pattern.  It's not a lace pattern but it's an odd pattern calling for stitches to be knitted out of order (but not using a cable needle) or grabbing a stitch from the row below.  I really did not believe I was up for the challenge so I picked up my old lace scarf.  Funny how now I am moving right along with no worries or difficulty.  Either it's my attitude or the quiet of the house, but I am making good progress and enjoying the process.  In fact, one I finish this project, I am considering knitting another for a Christmas gift for my step mother.

The vexing challenge?  Job hunting.  I have thought for a while that the online application system for teachers is a crock of crap.  Hundreds if not thousands of people can apply for the same job at the same job.  The challenge then is for the school to weed through the pile.  In the old days one needed to print the resume and letter on good paper and make it look good.  Those days are gone.  Last night on the PBS NewsHour a story about this was on.  The bottom line:  people are not finding jobs using these online job sites.  So, Jobungo and Monster.com are not doing what they advertise to do.  And, the gem of wisdom handed out:  make connections and network.  Then they recommended making connections at job fairs (have you been to one?  It's a meat market).  I'll just hope something comes up (or my husband gets a higher paying job).

I loved The Sound of Music as a kid and listened to the album often.  Today I am thinking of the song "How do you solve a problem like Maria?"  Change it up a bit and you get, "How do you solve a problem like Tyler?"

He is a bright, funny kid who simply cannot remember anything.  Since the beginning of school I've been asking him to bring home his English text book.  It's still not here.  Yesterday he left his hoodie at school (this is the hoodie his father bought him just Monday).  Now I wonder if we'll see it again any time soon -- or any time for that matter.

As a teacher I saw many kids like this.  They mean well, but they simply cannot remember to do what needs doing.  They forget homework, permission slips, lunch, lunch money, pencil, book, etc.  I would tell the parent and I'd get the same exasperation I'm feeling.  Oddly, as a student I don't remember seeing this.  Sure, there were kids who simply did not do homework, but I don't recall the number of kids who did not remember to do what needed doing.  What has happened to society?

Maybe playing outside has hidden benefits.  Maybe the fresh air helps kids remember.  Maybe these games systems hurt a kid's attention span.  Maybe I just have a forgetful kid.  In any event, how do I solve this problem??

Sour grapes don't taste too good but I keep eating them.

I need to find peace in my world and wonder if I'll ever find it.

My son's English teacher has high school experience only, was out of the classroom for 6 years and is just returning, and travels over an hour to get to work.  I wish, wish, wish I had been even considered for the job.  Money is tight here and I want to find peace so I can stop eating sour grapes and move on.

Another weekend has passed too quickly.

Yesterday we went to Tyler's football game.  The team was getting their butt kicked so one of the moms shouted something about how they needed to remove the second string and keep playing the better kids.  That just made my blood boil.

My son does not play for a team that will win anything for being best.  The league has all teams go to the playoffs.  They are only 14 years old max and in 8th grade.  Do we really need to push winning?  Shouldn't we be pushing sportsmanship??  Maybe it's the teacher in me, but I cannot stand when parents make negative comments about the weaker players.  How are the kids supposed to learn if they don't play??  For my son, this is the last year he will be on a team where winning shouldn't matter.  He is still at an age where he can learn from his experience.  Plus, we paid the same as every other parent to have our kid on the club; we have the same rights to have our kid play.

I do believe that when the stakes are higher (high school or college), it makes sense to play the better kids.  However, they don't need to play all the time.  If the team is killing the other team, that's  a prime time to allow the less experienced or less skilled players time to play.  Sadly I've witnessed coaches forget that they even had less skilled players as their team embarrassed another team.

This burr has been in my saddle since Tyler was six and he played soccer.  As it turns out, he had better skills as a daisy picker than soccer player, but what the hell, he needed to learn.  So, when the coaches asked who wanted to be in the goal, he volunteered (perhaps thinking it was an easy position as there was less running).  In any event, he wasn't in the goal for more than 40 seconds when he let in a goal.  The other kids on the team pitched a fit and wanted him out of the goal.  The coach complied and that was the end of Tyler's soccer career.  (It didn't help that Tyler's teammate told him he sucked when we were leaving the game that day.)

If we don't allow the six year olds to learn how to play, what hope is there.

Adults need to learn how to be the grown-ups.

I am thinking about all my teacher friends and acquaintances today.  Not one seems to have the difficulty I have obtaining work.  What is my flaw?  Is there help for me?

Some of the meanest teachers I know get jobs every time they interview.  Some of the best teachers I know don't get the job for which they are perfect.  Regardless, they have jobs and I don't and it makes me sad.

I think it would be interesting if, after an interview, you had to receive not just notification that you did not get the job, but full disclosure as to why.  Imagine the possibilities.  It might even be helpful to get full disclosure as to why you did get the job.

I have asked people how to get in the door.  They just shrug their shoulders and claim they don't know. Perhaps nepotism is at work.  Perhaps no one cares.  Perhaps schools are at the whim of the principal present during a particular opening.  In any case, it truly stinks being unemployed.  It's even worse to yearn for a job in a particular field, apply for said job and still not even be looked at.

What's down the road for me?

I belong to a group called Paperback Swap.  Basically, it's a place to list the books I have read or do not want anymore using the ISBN number to do so.  Then, other members may select one of my books.  When they do, I get an email, print the address and mail the book to them.  If I see a book on the site, I simply make a request and the person who owns it sends it to me.  Usually this is a seamless operation.
Not this week.

I shipped two different books last week.  Since I pay shipping on the books I send, I paid for two books that day.  One of those books arrived with no shipping on it (I suspect the mailing label was lost).  Now I have to pay again.  good grief.

It's also been a bad day shipping wise for something I ordered online from Target.  On August 16th I ordered a CD rack (we were finally going to get all the cds put away).  Today it's finally been determined that the piece is officially lost by UPS.  So much for tracking.  Ugh!

Well, back to the drawing board.

Communication.  So important, so easily messed up.

One thing I learned over the years is to rephrase what people say to ensure the understanding is equal.  I must admit that I don't always do it, but it's helpful.

I especially have difficulty with people in charge of children's activities who do not communicate well with parents.  I used to work for a woman who drove the parents crazy because she didn't get the point across well.  She would arrange for students to take a field trip but not provide all the little details:  when to drop the kids at the school; what time students would arrive at the hotel.  You know, the stuff parents really need to know.

My friend is dealing with this kind of thing now.  She is dropping her child off at a school but the people to whom she is entrusting her child are not there.  The farm where her daughter is being brought is expecting the daughter; the woman in charge is not there.  It's probably an oversight or misunderstanding, but if it were me, I would be enraged.

I listened to Paul Ryan's speech today and am not impressed.

He made an excellent case against the Obama administration.  The problem with this country is a lack of job.  If I vote for the Romney/Ryan ticket I am voting for jobs.  How those jobs will come about is unclear.

He also spoke about the GM plant in his home state of Wisconsin -- how Obama visited the plant and told the people there that he hoped the plant would be there for the next 100 years.  Since the plant is closed down, Obama failed to keep his "promise".  The trouble is, it was Obama and the Democratic Party who chose to bail out the auto industry.  Does Mr. Ryan not know that GM is an auto maker???

I heard Ryan appeal to the younger people.  If they vote for the R/R ticket they can get a job and out of their parent's house.  Again, I am not certain how that will work.  He set a goal for his ticket to create millions of jobs, but I still don't see how that will come about.

What's odd is that Paul Ryan and I seem to have the same values.  Do the work and don't look for handouts.  The trouble is, I have worked with the population that receives handouts.  Trust me, they would like a better life.  We don't actually offer one and that's a real shame.

And, those who are against Obamacare should know that sick people cost all of us.  We throw millions of dollars at failing schools.  We try to get the best teachers.  Or, we open Charter schools to help those disadvantaged students.  They still get sick.  They cannot afford the bit it takes to get better.  That's real.  Kids who cannot get glasses will continue to lose ground in the classroom.

Much of the Ryan speech addressed freedom.  He believes that lifting all the rules and regulations created by the Obama administration will pave the way to economic growth.  Funny, while he was talking about that, I was thinking of the fat cats who owned companies before unions came in and demanded a safe work environment and a job that did not exploit the worker.  Those rules and regulations are a pain in the ass.  They are also necessary to keep us safe.

Ryan mentioned tax reform.  Nice idea but what does he mean?  Lower the rate for the rich and continue to keep stacking on the backs of the poor?  Hmmm.....before long, no one will be paying taxes.  The rich will have all the jobs and the poor will have none.

I'm waiting to hear if Romney has a plan or if he just wants to tell us all how difficult these past four years have been.

It's amazing how American capitalism finds strength for the big man while leaving the little guy in the dust.

I was so delighted when the law came through allowing consumers, when phoned by a marketer, to request to be removed from the list.  That lasted about 6 months.  Now I am hounded by computers.  How can I tell them not to call?  It's not as though I just need to press "9" to be removed from the list.  (I admit, I have listened to some computers just to see if I had that option.)  It'll probably be 10 years before the law changes so we can actually tell a computer to leave us alone -- then another month before big business finds a way to harass us again.

I am beginning to stress about money issues.  I received a direct deposit from Clark County that was more than I usually receive.  Did they make a mistake and pay me for this school year?  Or, did this pay constitute my last?  This three hour time difference makes it difficult to followup on anything.

What will I do with no pay?  Will I be employed in NY or will I have to seek employment elsewhere again?

While this is a tough market, I know plenty of people who are getting jobs.  So, the question is:  what am I doing wrong?  I'd like to have a consultant, but I don't actually have the money for one.  Further, I don't know anyone who has gone to a consultant -- was the effort worth it?  would they recommend said consultant -- so I cannot determine if it's worth the effort.

Many jobs out there are nothing more than prey to those who are the victim of unemployment.  Pay some money to get the job of a lifetime.  When is the last time anyone you knew paid to get a job??  It's scary business.

Well, if I have to do work that I don't want to do, I think I'd like to stay local.  There is no need for me to be driving all over the place for minimum wage.

Guess I'll see if they're hiring at Holiday Inn Express in Fort Montgomery.

Parenting is really hard work.  I have a son who scored below a 3 on the New York State ELA exam and will probably receive additional services.  The trouble is, he was in the additional services class last year too and no change has occurred.  I have it easy, however, because my child does not need special education.

I often scratch my head about special ed.  It seems that the idea to include all students is a no brainer.  The problem is that the actual education of those students falls short.

Here's a for instance:  A special education student needs "extra time" to take a test.  That seems fair, but who wants a kid with learning difficulties spending more time taking a test?  Wouldn't it make better sense to create tests that provide the same information in less test questions?  I feel sorry for the parents of these children because those kids get a bit of a run-around.

Don't misunderstand:  there are many students who receive special education services and go on to earn higher education degrees.  I just am not wowed by the system in which these students are placed.  The educational system needs to support these students in ways that actually help them.  If we know a student is going to have difficulty in school, why do we place the same expectations on that student as we would on a student who obviously will go on?  Why can't we offer something that will make learning more hands-on or real?  The BOCES program when I was in high school was a program for students who wanted some vocational training since college wasn't in their forecast.  (By the way, some schools with high drop out rates have begun adding the vocational, hands-on learning curriculum in place so students will enjoy learning and seeing how their education will apply to the work field.)

No, BOCES is not for special ed students.  But it could be.  In fact, it could help many struggling students.  And, if students could hate school a little less, then perhaps their parents could feel less stressed about their future.

Unemployment is so exhausting.  I am constantly worried about finances and feel as though I'll soon go over a cliff.  While the truth is that we are basically okay, it's not easy being in this position.  And, the longer I am unemployed, the less positive I feel about my prospects.  So, here I am faced with another presidential election in which I am unemployed.

Can a president do anything for me?

No.

I am an unemployed teacher.  I cannot find work because the schools are funded in a way that makes them hire less skilled workers to save money.

The economy sucks.  In my life, the economy has pretty much been a thing outside my world.  When people were making oodles of money in the 80s, I just barely made enough to make ends meet.  When there was big gains in the 90s, we were trying to scrounge money to buy a house.  Early in the 21st century, we were finally living like the middle class.  Then I was let go from my job and the world as this family knew it has been in a downward spiral for four years.

My family and I will get through and weather the storm.  We are lucky to have support where others do not (family with money).  Still, my greatest desire is to be able to provide.  I can't.  It makes me sad.  No president can do anything about it, though.  In fact, I don't really think politicians get it.

Unemployment gives me too much time to follow a campaign that hardly matters to my financial situation.  The candidates are saying things that matter to one side or the other, but only those issues that impact our quality of life should carry weight.  The environment.  Healthcare.  Education.  Vote wisely.

And don't expect the economy to be magically fixed.  The world is in an economic turmoil.  One guy won't fix it.

The list of issues that bother me is so long.

What does it take to make a good broom?  Is there a reason the broom head is screwed onto the handle?  How many times have you replaced the handle of the broom?  Or, changed the broom head?

I am left-handed so it's possible that's the reason for this problem, but when I sweep, the broom head becomes unscrewed from the handle.  It's annoying.

Education Wednesday

I had a long talk with my old Las Vegas friend yesterday.  She had a horrible year in North Charleston, South Carolina working in a middle school of poor-performing, underachieving students who did not have to be held accountable for their work.  Instead, the teacher was constantly criticized and given no source for improvement.  As a result, the teacher received a poor evaluation.  Since it was her first year in the district, and she received a poor evaluation, her license in the state can be revoked.

As a teacher whose last three jobs were in different schools each job lasting only a year, I have a lot to say about how a teacher is evaluated.  I believe there is a better way too.

First, school culture is probably the most important aspect of the job.  What a school says about itself, and what it presents to the public are not the same thing.  When I began at Shadow Ridge High School last August, the principal announced that I was working in the "best high school in Clark County, bar none."  In his mind that was possibly true.  I took him at his word, however, and failed miserably.  To me, working in the "best school" indicates a level of academic performance and interest on par with a top private school.  With that information I gave assignments and set expectations much higher than my students could handle.  Worse, I actually assigned, and expected to receive, homework.  Again, in the "best" school it should have gone without saying that students could handle that work load.  The trouble is, I was given misinformation.  The misinformation cost me a good evaluation.    Culture:  what  is happening in the school that is not on paper.  I was told that I should give and expect homework, I discovered that I was alone in giving homework.

My recommendation:  let first year teachers (and by first year I mean first year in the school with that principal) work with a less rigid performance rubric.  If I were to return to my old job, there is no way I'd make the same mistakes.  I learned through doing what was expected of me because no one actually told me early enough to do the job well.  Unspoken rule one:  don't fail students even if they do nothing.

Second, make recommendations fair.  If you work for someone who doesn't like you, you may get a poor evaluation even if you're doing the same job as the person in the next room (who received a good evaluation).  When I was told to sit in on the better teachers' classes in my department last year, I expected to see teaching styles much different from my own.  That was not the case:  I saw one excellent teacher (who only received a satisfactory evaluation), two teachers like myself, and one teacher whose class was quite unruly.  I was the only one who received a poor evaluation.

My recommendation:  when administrators find a new teacher lacking, they should be responsible for putting the tools for success in the hands of the teacher.  For example, if the lesson plans are not up to snuff, provide good examples of what is expected.  This may also require some coaching.  Teachers know how to write lesson plans, but what administrators are looking for is not always clear.  Make it clear.  If a teacher has behavior issues, help that teacher.  In Clark County, in order for a student to get sent to the dean's office, I needed to provide documentation of progressive discipline.  When the same student was unruly while my principal was in the room, he hauled her to the dean and she got suspended.  Imagine the power that could have given me if I were allowed to handle the same student in the same way.  Fairness.

Good teachers should not be run out of a school because they failed to understand the unspoken culture of a school.  

Messy places can make you feel unsettled.  Oprah Winfrey talked about how the junk in her car was a sign that all was not right.   That was usually the case with my desk at school.  I'd have papers everywhere and no system of organization could save me.  However, every so often (usually a quiet day), my desk would be clear and when the bell rang and the class left the room I'd feel settled.

This is also true about unfinished projects.  Knitters call them WIP (work in progress).  I personally thought I had quite a few.  However, when I checked on my projects, I found I was more "together" than I previously thought.  The bottom line:  I have a vest and a sweater to finish.  While that sounds like a lot, it's not.  The sweater basically just needs the sleeves knit.  The vest simply needs to be sewn together.  This is not even a full week of knitting.  So, I don't feel so bad about planning my next new project.

Rod spent the weekend building a large shed.  It's not finished -- he still needs to add the doors, finish adding the roof shingles and painting the building.  But when you realize where he started, he has accomplished a great deal.

I'll just have to keep that in mind as I begin my next project.  Every little thing we do adds to the finished piece.  That is true of college classes (every one gets you closer to graduation) and cleaning a room (one piece of clothing off the floor at a time).  Or, you may get words of wisdom from a  Nike ad:  Just do it.

I guess I better go finish those sleeves so I'll have one less messy place.

Pet Peeve Monday

Today's topic:  people who open their car door into traffic.

In the past week, I have experienced several people who just open their door into traffic.  If you've ever driven on Main Street in Highland Falls, you know that there is no room.  It's a good thing I'm vigilant or someone would be missing their car door (and my car would suffer damage).

What is up with people?  This happened twice to me today and I only was in the car three times!!!!

And, if anyone knows the answer -- would I be at fault if some dumbass just opened the car door to traffic and I hit the door???

Intelligence is evaporating.

The public library rocks.  Especially here in Highland Falls.  I suppose one could say it's because of our wonderful librarian.  She offers classes and enlightens the community about all sorts of things.  This week she offered sewing classes.  I figured, what the heck, I'll give it a go.

When I think of sewing, I think of the old fashioned sewing machine like the one my mom had for years.  She would use the foot pedal to sew away. I own a sewing machine but never really made use of it.  Before Tyler was born I made pillows for Julia's room.  Since my eyes can't see a straight line I was always nervous about (and thus avoided) making curtains.

Anyway, I was reading the local newspaper last week and saw that the library was offering a sewing class. I signed up and have gone two days (the last class is tomorrow).  Anyway, imagine my surprise when I learned that we would not be using a machine but our hands.  That's right!  I am hand stitching a skirt.

Thanks to the library!!

Let's call this Pet Peeve Monday.

Today's topic:  lack of manners

I have been on the hunt for a job in teaching for a while.  The "lessons" I've received suggest that after an interview, I should write a thank you note.  I do -- when I have the time (some interviews give me an answer within 24 hours which would make a thank you note weird -- thanks for nothing??).  Unfortunately, the lack of manners seems to be on the top end.  Last summer in a last ditch effort to stay in NY and not return to Vegas I had two interviews days before I was to leave.  I went to the schools and for one of them I did a demo lesson.  Oddly enough, I never heard from either school.  To me that's just plain rude.  Now, some may argue that it's an indication that the school isn't a great place to work.  I've got news:  commuting to Las Vegas from NY sucks so I'd work in a shit school.

This lack of manners also extends to the failure to communicate.  Last Thursday I received an email from a principal in a NYC school.  Basically, it was an invitation to call the school and set up an interview for the next week.  I called twice and got no answer; I left two messages and got no response.  Finally today I emailed the principal who initially contacted me and told her that I did leave two messages.  No, I don't expect a response.  I do expect some manners.

I recognize that in this age of online application systems it is difficult to reach out to all who apply.  But if a person takes the time to interview for a job, the least the hiring party could do is let the person know if he or she got the job.  Just consider that for a moment.

Anyone who wears a thong can tell you it takes some getting used to what with the odd feeling of having a string up your ass and all.  Still, they are quite sexy -- especially when you see them on a very toned body.  And who is more toned than the athletes at the Olympics?

But should the athletes be scantily clad?

Several years ago I was watching the women's track team run in unitards that pulled up between their butt cheeks.  Frankly I found it very unappealing.  Further, I wondered how the athletes felt about their attire.  After all, they do not choose their outfits -- the team is provided outfits by whatever company sponsors them.  Anyway, even with the beautiful bodies on these runners, I thought the outfit did not serve them well.

This is an issue with Olympic aquatic sports.  The divers wear small Speedos; the swimmers wear sleek, body-hugging suits.  If you watch closely, you'll notice the divers pulling the suit out from between their cheeks.  Granted, the divers do a lot of twisting and bending which causes their suits to pull up; nevertheless, I can't imagine how uncomfortable it is to constantly readjust the attire after completing the dive. 

I have been given some slack for these opinions.  Still, any girl who has to constantly readjust her bra strap can appreciate what I'm saying -- if the constant readjustment is done after each dive, couldn't we agree that the garment just doesn't fit properly?

Anyway, if I had a great body, I'd want to wear something that highlighted the hard work.  Just saying.

I am back from vacation and need to find some purpose to my pathetic life.  If money were no object, I'd go back to school to find a new field.  Sadly, money is a big issue.  Well, at least I have my knitting and plenty of yarn to keep me busy.  I am also finding pleasure in change.

To begin, I have been wanting to change my living room for a while.  We inherited furniture that was simply too big for the room.  I thought we'd be purchasing new furniture, but once I removed the love seat and added some chairs, I was able to move things around.  In fact, adding the rocking chair to the living room gives me a nice place to knit.  It looks good too.

I am looking forward to the change we have planned for the basement.  We are knocking down walls and giving ourselves one big room as opposed to the two we have now.  The tendency (for Rod and me at least) is to decide how we want the things in the room to be laid out.  We're not going to do that this time around.  Instead we are going to open things up and see what we shall see.

This is Julia's 23rd birthday.  What a joy to have her in this world.  She is bringing me change too -- she moves out this weekend.  Sure, it's only to the city of Manhattan but it's a whole world different than the one we have here.  I hope she embraces the change I so desire for myself.

The National Park Service seems to be little appreciated by this country.  Perhaps it's a result of me living in NY where there are not National Parks, but it seems that few capitalize on the value of these places.  Later this month, Rod and I will visit yet another National Park -- Acadia in Maine.  It'll be interesting to see the contrasts between the parks I visited out west to this on the east.

Last year when I visited Zion National Park in Utah, I not only fell in love with the park but the state as well.  Located near the Virgin River, Zion has lush greenery and tall rocks.  It was a nice mix.  I suppose I assumed (and you know what happens when you do that) that the National Parks in Utah would all offer the same lushness.  That was not so.

Arches National Park, located in Moab, Utah is much drier and rockier.  Although I was there at roughly the same time of year that I was in Zion (with a year's separation), the absence of vegetation makes a big difference.  Since I spent more time exploring Zion, I feel more connected to it.

Surprisingly, Death Valley National Park has much to offer.  It is the lowest sea level in the United States.  As a result, there is a salt flat there.  Rod was impressed by the presence of mesquite there too.  I liked the sand dunes.  It gets hot here, so it's best to go during the early spring, late fall or winter.

The Petrified Forest seems little visited.  I was not terribly impressed, but it's interesting to note that the land was deemed important enough to preserve what time had done with the wood.  I wish I could have taken a piece for my rock collection, but it's not allowed (nor should it be).

The biggest National Park that I've seen, and perhaps one of the most popular is Grand Canyon National Park.  Truly, once you see the canyon, it takes your breath away.  Nature is truly amazing.  While the Grand Canyon should be on your bucket list, I think once you spend time in Zion actually hiking the trails, you'd find it more impressive.  But that's just my humble opinion.

I have color issues with my knitting.  Some people can put color together and the project looks fantastic; others can do the same project with different colors and not have as much success.  So, I feel the same may be true of my project above.  Although it looks beige in the picture, when I chose the yarn for another project, I thought it was yellow.  It's not.  Obviously that may contribute to the challenges I have putting color together.  The bottom line:  it's a gift to know color.

I went to the toe-up knitting class today only to learn that it was canceled.  Ugh.  But, as I love the yarn shop, I found a new pattern that calls for the use of scrap yarn.  It's a cool design, and, judging by the many comments on Ravelry, a good design too.

I will keep you posted.  And take pictures.

Today is the day I am supposed to hear if I got my -- sort of -- old job.  I am not feeling positive (I figure if I got it I'd have heard before today).

I am feeling the old depression coming on.  How many times can a person hear that they didn't make the cut before it starts to become a part of the person?  Why is it so difficult for me to land a position?  At what point do I cut and run?  How bad a teacher am I?  What are schools looking for??

I suppose if we were in a better place financially I'd be better able to handle this.  But we're not and I'm not.

Granted, I did NOT get told that I did NOT get the job either.  Still, if I can't get my old job back what does that say about me?

Job hunting is exhausting and, for me, demeaning.

I just want to enjoy my summer.

Public schools are not serving the public.

Private schools are wonderful if you can afford them.

Is there any way to connect the two?

The philosopher John Stewart Mill stated the greatest good for the greatest number.  For the most part, this was a philosophy I agreed with.  I am changing my tune.

Testing is getting out of control.   I read Diane Ravitch's blog today (I'd been terribly behind) and she wrote of parents in state like NY getting angry that their children are losing a lot of instructional time because they are being tested.  Stretch that idea further and you'll see what I'm looking at.

The measure for a good school is based on several factors.  One is graduation rate.  Apply that to my school -- the principal looks good if his students graduate.  It's easier for students to graduate when they are passing their classes and do not fall behind.  However, if you have a teacher who doesn't recognize that the unspoken rule is to "pass" students, then we have a problem.  The principal looks bad because he has students who have credit deficiencies.  They may become drop outs which would make the school look bad.  See, it's a vicious cycle.

Private schools look at student learning.  The narrative report card shows where the student does well and where the student needs improvement.  If we looked at students as people instead of numbers, perhaps public education could be salvaged.

I don't know what the vague sickness in my stomach is, but I suspect it may be fear.

In 18 days I leave this desert.  I'll drive across the country alone despite the comments made by some.  While I have had a friend volunteer to drive with me, I know that once I get home I'll want nothing to do with him.  At least I suspect that'll be the case.  I know it sounds harsh but I only want to go home.  I do not view this drive as a fun adventure and if he were to go with me, I'd still not feel it was an adventure.  Last year when I went with Rod it was fun; if I were going with Gretchen or Tyler there would be things to do.  As it stands now, I just want to go home.

I'm not convinced the drive is what I'm afraid of.  I have an interview on Friday which is giving me anxiety -- that and the fact that if I do well I'll have to schedule a time to do a demo lesson at a later date (with 12 hours of flight time involved, I can't help but to be anxious).  I have a lot to get through at work.  There are so many items on a checklist that need doing.  Reconcile my attendance which means highlighting the names of students who withdrew from class during the year and noting where they went. Return "technology" to the appropriate place.  Return keys.  Print my grade book (something they have access to -- why don't they just print it themselves??).  I have to review my personnel file.  Ugh.  In the meantime, I still need to teach and I simply cannot drum up the energy to do any school work.

Maybe I am just depressed.  This year has been so arduous for me.  This is a classic "be careful what you wish for" scene.  Public schools suck, especially those in urban areas.  I don't feel as though I've had enough impact on my students.  Sure, they like me and sort of understand what I was trying to do, but they still never learned personal responsibility.  Is this what the future leaders look like or should I rest assured that there's no way a president from Nevada with lead this country?

Maybe I'm afraid of returning home and not having a job.  Being here, if nothing else, has kept my monetary worries at bay.  I should try to be positive, but I know something is wrong and can't put my finger on it.

I hope when I pull in the driveway sometime in mid-June I'll feel the pit in my stomach relax.

So I knitted this hat for a friend.  She loved it.  Sadly this photo doesn't actually capture the beauty of the color.  I bought the yarn at my local yarn shop (cashmere, silk and merino) and got the pattern for free from an online source.  She loved the hat.  I will be doing a lot of knitting for Christmas this year.

I have truly begun to love homemade gifts.  Last Christmas I received chocolate brittle that was out of this world.  (Thanks Deittra and Ted).  A couple years ago Rod made me some bird houses that were quite beautiful.  This crappy economy paired with the realization that we don't need more stuff makes for a perfect situation for making handmade gifts.

Okay, I know, if I knit something for someone it'll be more stuff.  That's perhaps not exactly what I meant.  I just think the stuff you can buy at places like Brookstone are just silly.  As a society we spend too much money on dumb things.  Really, do you need more shorts or is that just a need that we have because we are empty??

I just learned how to make bracelets from hemp.  It's cathartic to be engaged in such an activity.  So, I better get back to it.

I have a very bad feeling about things right now.

I have been contacted by a school for an interview (it'll take place on May 25 while I'm home).  However, I've begun stressing about the mention of doing a demo lesson.  I am going to have to be forward and tell the woman who is interviewing me that if she wants me to do a demo lesson, I'd appreciate it if she could let me do it on the following Tuesday.  Otherwise, it looks like I'd have to fly back to NY and lose a day's pay (plus at least 12 hours of travel time and the cost of a flight).  Logically it makes sense to just let things go, but I do not like flying to and from Las Vegas.  It's too long a flight.

Then I am having difficulty with my online bill pay.  Banks have suckered us in to use online services, but they don't have much to offer when their services are down and we need to use them.  I phoned to get an answer but the guy at Bank of America couldn't give me an answer.  Instead he told me to pay through the websites of the places I owe money.  So I tried and Toyota Financial couldn't match my account to my name and account number (basically I was told there was no one with my name and account number).  I tried to pay on the phone but that would cost additional money for the service.  I am not clear what service they were talking about -- I'd be the one giving the information.

Finally, I am very upset and called a "friend" who said the obvious :  just deal with it in the morning.

I just feel like crying and have no one here to help me through this.  I want to go home.

Snail mail.

I love it.

Letters, packages, whatever.  They are so delightful to receive.  Perhaps that's why I've been having such fun sending things to people this year and last.  When Julia was in school I would occasionally send her a little something.  I think she enjoyed the surprise.  This year has been even more fun because my friend Gretchen and I have been keeping each other's spirits afloat with little somethings.

Today I got a package from Gretchen that contained sandalwood soap and some Buddhas to help me keep sane in this place.  The joy I get from just such thoughtful gesture cannot be overestimated.

Actually, last year my friend Liz sent me a little carrot zipper pouch that contains little bunnies.  That was a great surprise.

Okay, I need to stop focusing on things and concentrate on meaning.

My 9th grade students are reading a book entitled Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli.  It's about a girl who is different and how that makes her the subject of mean-spirited gossip and actions.  Nevertheless Stargirl keeps her cool and is genuinely nice to her classmates -- particularly those who do not usually get positive attention.  One of the ways she spreads her particular form of sunshine is by leaving notes and cards for people.  So, I had my students do the same.  Today in class I had students making cards for each other.  Sure, it was a simple assignment with little connection to the Core Standards, but it'll be fun to see the kids' reactions when they receive a nice something from a classmate.

We seem so connected to our electronic devices with instant feedback.  But it sure is nice to receive something through snail mail.  You can read it over and over and put it aside for another day just to pick you up.

Take some time and write to someone you care about.  That's a gesture that'll be sure to be appreciated.

I have been reading a lot of good books lately and feel a bit stressed as a result.

Why?  Every time I put a really good book down, finished and fulfilled, the task is to find another.  Right now I have nothing that is grabbing me.  What'll I do????

It sure would help if my English teacher friends could recommend a good book.  Oddly enough, they're not readers.  Help, someone.

There is much fuss in Congress about student loans.  Should we help students pay them off or what?

I can't help feeling queasy about this whole debate.  When the housing crisis hit, I remember thinking it was bound to happen.  After all, anyone with any sense could see that the houses people were buying were both too big and too expensive.  It's not like the American people were swimming in money.  They were doing the same jobs they had before.  Some TV shows cashed in on the frenzy:  Flip This House is one that stands out.  People would purchase a piece of crap house then do some modest improvements and sell it at a large profit.  I hated that show.

Here we are wringing our hands about student loans.  Hmmm, seems to me people should have recognized that schools were way too expensive.  I'm not knocking the price if you can afford it.  It's just too many kids were scrambling to get into schools and these private institutions stood around with their hands out looking for easy money.  And these poor kids just jumped right in to debt.  Now they're not pleased with the debt.  Well, I don't like debt either.  Here's a solution:  don't get into it if you can't afford.

Sure, some had no intention of getting in trouble.  I'm just feeling like someone should have noticed that it's not a good idea to graduate from college with a massive debt.  And no job.

I like President Obama, and I too believe we need to get kids into college.  But I also notice that we need tradesman.  We still need plumbers and electricians.  We need landscapers and horticulturists.  Where will they come from?  Sure, college raises the bar, but it's also screwing the American public.  Trust me, you'll get what I mean the next time your toilet starts backing up and a snake and a plunger don't do the trick....

What this country needs is a population with intelligence.  College doesn't necessarily guarantee that.  My friend Cindy was just complaining tonight about how one of her college professors was berating the class because they did not know how to write a paper properly. She is almost finished with college so we're not talking about the new freshman.  This, of course, brings up another topic.  Why do we keep inflating grades.  Look, if a kid writes a shit paper, give a grade that reflects that.  Goodness.

If we were intelligent, we wouldn't buy a home we couldn't afford.  And we wouldn't let our children amass great debt for a college education.  Then we wouldn't be in this fix.

Time is standing still and I really don't like it.

The Newshour reported (and has been reporting) on graduation rates in America and focuses on various schools throughout the nation.  Tonight the focus was on a school that had been featured in Time magazine as a dropout zone.  So, naturally, there are many on hand who have something to say.  I am concerned that we are focusing on the wrong stuff.

How do schools improve their standing?  They focus on graduation rates.  One reason students don't graduate is because they don't do work.  Sure, they may come from crappy homes, but the bottom line is that if you don't do work, you can't improve.  However, administrators look good when they raise the graduation rate.  How do they do that????  By forcing or bullying teachers to pass students.

The result?  Students who pass but don't possess the necessary skills to do well in the market.  Are we really serving ourselves?  Are we really serving the taxpayers?

I know some talented teachers who are losing jobs because they don't want to be a part of the nonsense.  Some administrators decide that if you have a lot of kids failing your class, you must not be doing your job.  From where I'm standing, that's not the full story.  From a personal standpoint, I know that I am not the most organized teacher under the sun.  I also know that I could have done a better job this year.  Still, I also know that my students spend their day with a teacher who actually cares if they learn.  And if the best they can do is a C that works for me.  Sadly, many of my students even struggle for a C.  They cannot spell; they cannot organize thoughts; they cannot read fluently nor can they understand complex ideas; they cannot follow oral directions; they do not read written directions.  However, I must pass them for showing up to school.  I want to leave teaching because this is really bothering me.  Many teachers who keep their jobs have bought into the system and don't try anymore.  That's not okay with me and it shouldn't be okay with the American people either.

Maybe, as Julia's professor once said, American public education will no longer be here in 50 years.  Sobering thoughts indeed.

Happy Earth Day!

I am not a gun person, but I've always been a little curious about shooting a gun.  The interest was piqued when I was in my 20s watching World News Tonight with Peter Jennings.  They ran a story about a place in Kentucky where people could go to shoot up old appliances.  I've no idea why, but I thought it looked like a good time.  Finally, I had my chance.

I knew the day would come several months ago when my friend Danielle's boyfriend bought her a gun.  It was a pistol, actually, and they said they'd invite me to go shooting sometime.  They were true to their word and we went yesterday.

First, it's a noisy experience.  People shoot all kinds of guns with all sorts of ammunition.  All the shooters line up and place their belongings on a table located between the yellow line and the red line.  Targets may only be set up after the all clear is issued and then you step past the red line to set up the target.  Then, they wait for all to be ready and the shooting begins.

I was initially surprised by the variety of people who go to the range.  No stereotypes there.  Then I was surprised by the shell casings that went flying all over.  Once a gun is fired, it can shoot the spent shell casing out of the gun.  I swear the man at the table to the left of us had shells with my name on them.  No matter where I stood, the shells headed in my direction.  The ground was littered with shell casings. I was second-guessing my decision to wear flip-flops and shorts (it reached 101 in Vegas yesterday).  My third surprise came with the first gun I shot -- I actually hit the target in the head.  This was not to be my experience with the other guns I shot, but I really did have beginner's luck.  My problem was that I was afraid.  I do talk with my hands and Todd was asking questions after my first couple shots.  I wanted to tell him what I was thinking but I had a loaded weapon in my hands.  I did not like the feeling of having so much power.

It was a fun experience.  Although I know for a fact that I will never own a gun or want one in my house, I did find the experience to be very relaxing.  And now I can fully understand the fear one has when holding a gun for the first time.

Guns really don't kill people.  People do -- whether or not they intend to.