Public schools are not serving the public.

Private schools are wonderful if you can afford them.

Is there any way to connect the two?

The philosopher John Stewart Mill stated the greatest good for the greatest number.  For the most part, this was a philosophy I agreed with.  I am changing my tune.

Testing is getting out of control.   I read Diane Ravitch's blog today (I'd been terribly behind) and she wrote of parents in state like NY getting angry that their children are losing a lot of instructional time because they are being tested.  Stretch that idea further and you'll see what I'm looking at.

The measure for a good school is based on several factors.  One is graduation rate.  Apply that to my school -- the principal looks good if his students graduate.  It's easier for students to graduate when they are passing their classes and do not fall behind.  However, if you have a teacher who doesn't recognize that the unspoken rule is to "pass" students, then we have a problem.  The principal looks bad because he has students who have credit deficiencies.  They may become drop outs which would make the school look bad.  See, it's a vicious cycle.

Private schools look at student learning.  The narrative report card shows where the student does well and where the student needs improvement.  If we looked at students as people instead of numbers, perhaps public education could be salvaged.

I don't know what the vague sickness in my stomach is, but I suspect it may be fear.

In 18 days I leave this desert.  I'll drive across the country alone despite the comments made by some.  While I have had a friend volunteer to drive with me, I know that once I get home I'll want nothing to do with him.  At least I suspect that'll be the case.  I know it sounds harsh but I only want to go home.  I do not view this drive as a fun adventure and if he were to go with me, I'd still not feel it was an adventure.  Last year when I went with Rod it was fun; if I were going with Gretchen or Tyler there would be things to do.  As it stands now, I just want to go home.

I'm not convinced the drive is what I'm afraid of.  I have an interview on Friday which is giving me anxiety -- that and the fact that if I do well I'll have to schedule a time to do a demo lesson at a later date (with 12 hours of flight time involved, I can't help but to be anxious).  I have a lot to get through at work.  There are so many items on a checklist that need doing.  Reconcile my attendance which means highlighting the names of students who withdrew from class during the year and noting where they went. Return "technology" to the appropriate place.  Return keys.  Print my grade book (something they have access to -- why don't they just print it themselves??).  I have to review my personnel file.  Ugh.  In the meantime, I still need to teach and I simply cannot drum up the energy to do any school work.

Maybe I am just depressed.  This year has been so arduous for me.  This is a classic "be careful what you wish for" scene.  Public schools suck, especially those in urban areas.  I don't feel as though I've had enough impact on my students.  Sure, they like me and sort of understand what I was trying to do, but they still never learned personal responsibility.  Is this what the future leaders look like or should I rest assured that there's no way a president from Nevada with lead this country?

Maybe I'm afraid of returning home and not having a job.  Being here, if nothing else, has kept my monetary worries at bay.  I should try to be positive, but I know something is wrong and can't put my finger on it.

I hope when I pull in the driveway sometime in mid-June I'll feel the pit in my stomach relax.

So I knitted this hat for a friend.  She loved it.  Sadly this photo doesn't actually capture the beauty of the color.  I bought the yarn at my local yarn shop (cashmere, silk and merino) and got the pattern for free from an online source.  She loved the hat.  I will be doing a lot of knitting for Christmas this year.

I have truly begun to love homemade gifts.  Last Christmas I received chocolate brittle that was out of this world.  (Thanks Deittra and Ted).  A couple years ago Rod made me some bird houses that were quite beautiful.  This crappy economy paired with the realization that we don't need more stuff makes for a perfect situation for making handmade gifts.

Okay, I know, if I knit something for someone it'll be more stuff.  That's perhaps not exactly what I meant.  I just think the stuff you can buy at places like Brookstone are just silly.  As a society we spend too much money on dumb things.  Really, do you need more shorts or is that just a need that we have because we are empty??

I just learned how to make bracelets from hemp.  It's cathartic to be engaged in such an activity.  So, I better get back to it.

I have a very bad feeling about things right now.

I have been contacted by a school for an interview (it'll take place on May 25 while I'm home).  However, I've begun stressing about the mention of doing a demo lesson.  I am going to have to be forward and tell the woman who is interviewing me that if she wants me to do a demo lesson, I'd appreciate it if she could let me do it on the following Tuesday.  Otherwise, it looks like I'd have to fly back to NY and lose a day's pay (plus at least 12 hours of travel time and the cost of a flight).  Logically it makes sense to just let things go, but I do not like flying to and from Las Vegas.  It's too long a flight.

Then I am having difficulty with my online bill pay.  Banks have suckered us in to use online services, but they don't have much to offer when their services are down and we need to use them.  I phoned to get an answer but the guy at Bank of America couldn't give me an answer.  Instead he told me to pay through the websites of the places I owe money.  So I tried and Toyota Financial couldn't match my account to my name and account number (basically I was told there was no one with my name and account number).  I tried to pay on the phone but that would cost additional money for the service.  I am not clear what service they were talking about -- I'd be the one giving the information.

Finally, I am very upset and called a "friend" who said the obvious :  just deal with it in the morning.

I just feel like crying and have no one here to help me through this.  I want to go home.

Snail mail.

I love it.

Letters, packages, whatever.  They are so delightful to receive.  Perhaps that's why I've been having such fun sending things to people this year and last.  When Julia was in school I would occasionally send her a little something.  I think she enjoyed the surprise.  This year has been even more fun because my friend Gretchen and I have been keeping each other's spirits afloat with little somethings.

Today I got a package from Gretchen that contained sandalwood soap and some Buddhas to help me keep sane in this place.  The joy I get from just such thoughtful gesture cannot be overestimated.

Actually, last year my friend Liz sent me a little carrot zipper pouch that contains little bunnies.  That was a great surprise.

Okay, I need to stop focusing on things and concentrate on meaning.

My 9th grade students are reading a book entitled Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli.  It's about a girl who is different and how that makes her the subject of mean-spirited gossip and actions.  Nevertheless Stargirl keeps her cool and is genuinely nice to her classmates -- particularly those who do not usually get positive attention.  One of the ways she spreads her particular form of sunshine is by leaving notes and cards for people.  So, I had my students do the same.  Today in class I had students making cards for each other.  Sure, it was a simple assignment with little connection to the Core Standards, but it'll be fun to see the kids' reactions when they receive a nice something from a classmate.

We seem so connected to our electronic devices with instant feedback.  But it sure is nice to receive something through snail mail.  You can read it over and over and put it aside for another day just to pick you up.

Take some time and write to someone you care about.  That's a gesture that'll be sure to be appreciated.

I have been reading a lot of good books lately and feel a bit stressed as a result.

Why?  Every time I put a really good book down, finished and fulfilled, the task is to find another.  Right now I have nothing that is grabbing me.  What'll I do????

It sure would help if my English teacher friends could recommend a good book.  Oddly enough, they're not readers.  Help, someone.